In that page of Dylan’s journal,when there’s a huge three tiered cross,and then a square that says existence or something and has other squares inside it,what does it mean? I can’t figure it out

So, hmm, you know this phrase?  “Think outside the box” 
It is defined as:  “A simplified definition for paradigm, a habit of reasoning or a conceptual framework. A analogy is “the box” in the commonly used phrase “thinking outside the box”. What is encompassed by the words “inside the box” is analogous with the current, and often unnoticed, assumptions about a situation. Creative thinking acknowledges and rejects the accepted paradigm to come up with new ideas.  On a simple level: Thinking Inside the Box is to follow a structured, limited, rule-based way of thinking and to think outside of the Box is to go beyond it’s boundaries, into limitless  creativity and absolute freedom.

Dylan refers to his diagram – “Existence”  = ( is)  The Box.  
The Box is a bit like The Matrix.

What The Box essentially represents is the societal paradigm of a structured ‘life existence’ framework.  Within the confines of The Box’s parameters, he defines the present, limited human hierarchical order in this this current existence. Yes, I know that was a mouthful – sorry about that but bear with me.  😉

Inside of the large ‘Existence Box’ there is a division of boxes within boxes. Dylan further defines a total of four box subset groups as the “limitations”. Each is a box within a box spanning outward smallest to largest in space. The smallest box being the most densely populated and each consecutive one has acquires larger space yet becomes more sparsely populated.   Even though all boxes are encompassed under one large box (of Existence), Dylan points out that there is ‘limitation’ as each is a group divided from the other: inclusive to those within each box and exclusive to those outside of each box. The first box is densely populated and labeled  “Most” but it’s also the smallest box. In short, it includes many but it’s small in space.  This signifies that the acceptable majority within society are also the most select, exclusive group and tucked away within the corner of the box almost as if it’s harder to obtain that special, designated space. There are many within it but it will only hold, or include, so many citizens that are ‘lucky’ enough to be deemed a part of it’s community.  It is also the smallest box in the literal sense because it represents the small minded sorts that rely on thinking inside the box at the most limited, confining sense of existence.   Spanning out from the smallest, elite  “Most” box is the larger box defined as  “Some”.  This grouping is next in line to have a sense of belonging in a fairly acceptable existence group yet the box is a bit larger, less crowded (like the cattle or herd of “Most” )and more liberal in space but also in terms of societal rules and regulations.  Outside of “Some”, are the “Few”. This third box essentially represents ‘the outcasts’ category from the two previous acceptable degrees of the societal majority.  The “Some” have a esser sense of community or belonging here inside “Existence” but it’s also a larger box and containing the free-thinker, the unconventional citizens embracing less acceptable liberal minded views to that of the herd mentality of the “Most/Few” society. While the ‘Some’ are misfits they have their own opposing brand of ‘special’ to the elite “Most”; they are unique individualists that think for themselves and do not follow the masses.  They do not need a mass of others to set the rules and help define them.  Outside the “Few” is the vast box of “None” which represents…..no one… it is the no man’s land of  “the nobodies”, the “nothings” , the bottom-of-the-barrel losers of society that don’t even amount to a mere blip on the radar of human societal existence.

Interesting to note, that Dylan does not even put himself here or even “Some”.  Dylan puts himself completely outside of the Existence Box which means he is exiled even from the ostracized faceless “none”. He is also puts himself far, far below it as if symbolically he’s ‘fallen’ from it’s grace.   Basically, he means to say, that he does not fit into any or all  of the human Existence subset categories of “limitations” as defined within The Box structure.  This is because Dylan sees himself as a stranger completely and utterly isolated and detached from the foreign, limiting societal framework that is The Existence Box. For all intent and purpose, you may as well say that Dylan views himself as an Alien from another planet. A stranger external from and rebuking a foreign land.  He does not belong or fit into any category with The Box and not even the the most excluded category within it;  he’s separate and divorced completely of It because he’s simply not even part of the paradigm structure equation. Actually, Dylan draws a box around himself as “Me” which defines himself separate, vastly different and complete disconnected from society. 

He also writes “Infinincy” which amounts to essentially forever-ness within/without the vast universe of time, space and thought continuum.   

Larger than The Existence Box itself, is the symbolic paradigm of the triple-barred cross, Dylan’s ‘Everlasting Contrast’ symbol, which is the moral, spiritual compass of Life (Ankh), and the Universe as a whole.  The Existence Box is positioned in the middle, between the duality or joined opposing forces of “Good” and “Bad” and represents the struggle within the balance between the two forces. The Existence Box and all contained within it, are defined by the these Dualism laws under a sense of ‘morality’ by way of the rigid tenants of ‘religion’.  According to Dylan, “They”, within the Box, believe that ‘Good’ and “Evil” is a battle that can be won, yet to him, They simply don’t understand that the dual opposing constructs are merely a universal constant that humanity can’t ever hope to overcome or triumph over.  Dylan defines himself as the large slash (“cut here”) intersecting across the two polar, mirror opposites in union yet also conflicting division within himself. He’s embraces his contrasts yet struggles with the dark and the light within him.  

“Good and Bad equals me.”

“The (paradigm) framework of society stands above & below me. The hardest thing to destroy, yet the weakest thing that exists. I know that i am different, yet i am afraid to tell the society. The possible abandonment, persecution is not something I want to face, yet it is so primitive to me.”

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Thinking of suicide gives me hope that I’ll be in my place wherever I go after this life – that I’ll finally not be at war with myself, the world, the universe – my mind, my body, everywhere, everything at PEACE – me – my soul (existence)

Dylan Klebold (via vide-ame)

I must say you seem like a very mature and intelligent person, a breath of fresh air from some of the Eric and Dylan worshippers on here. I’ve been reading through your blog for some time now, and you know a lot about it all.

Thank you. 🙂 Likewise?  For a person not from around these parts, I appreciate the intelligent, respectful approach and decently posed questions/comments.  I’m knowledgeable simply because I know the case pretty thoroughly.

Former Heroes Who Quit Too Late

emergencyshotgun:

all you need to know about this fic is that eric and dylan fired way more rounds than they expected, theres only round left, and i am a cruel man. part one of probably two but dont hold me to that.

*

The fire alarm had been
going on for so long that it had become nothing more than a beep; loud and
cutting but at least not as consistent as it had been beforehand. Eric was
thankful. He didn’t think his splitting headache could deal with it for much
longer – not that he thought he would have to, anyway.

  He ached. His head ached, his nose ached,
his shoulders ached. The room around him
was still now, and all he could think about was how much he ached. Every step
he took grew more sluggish than the last, and it was becoming more and more
difficult to avoid the scattered chairs and the desks as he weaved in and out
of them. On the other side of the table, walking parallel to him, Dylan seemed
to be having the same trouble. They said nothing to one another. There was
nothing left to say.

  Eric glanced down in time to step over a
large pool of blood that was soaking into the carpet. It was thick and dark,
and if he looked to the side, he could see the body it had once belonged to. It
already seemed like a relic from decades ago. He no longer felt anything
looking at them.

Read More

Love this gritty and sad AU story – Good stuff!
Hope they do more. 🙂

dylanbk:

eleventhousand:

Dylan would rather sit in his car and smoke than smoke at the smokers’ pit because the smokers’ pit was sanctioned by the school.
Okay, Dylan. You go.

so rebellious

“People always say: "Do you know why they did it?”. and after a time of thinking about it I kind of think I know why they did it. Well, my first thought was, finally someone did something cause well it seems kind of obvious to me. I saw, like I saw their Hit List that they had..the same kind of people that I didn’t like, so" —Eric Christner

So here’s my opinion – and please don’t be offended or anything. I don’t think the diaries are a very reliable source imho. Because E&D both left theirs out to see, they were deliberately wanting people to read them. This, yes, could be a cry for help, to make people understand what they were going through, but I believe that, if they knew people were going to read them, especially Eric, then they would deliberately write in a certain way to get a certain feeling from the reader. (1/2)

They may have exaggerated, or falsified, even, some points to garner a response from the readers. I believe that Eric was wanting to be seen as a psychopath, and took some sort of sick pleasure from it, and he wrote his in a way which would make him look like a psychopath. (2/2)

No, worries, no offense taken in the least. 🙂 First of all, both boys didn’t leave their journals out to be seen. Only Eric left his journal out fully visible for the cops to see right-off-the-bat when they ransacked his bedroom. Dylan’s, however, was not left out conspicuously to be seen on purpose. Dylan also erased his computer and Eric did not because Eric wanted the world to see everything. You are correct in that Eric created his journal with the full intent of playing to a assumed audience upon his death. In the Basement Tapes, he waves his journal to the camera and calls it “The Book of God”. It’s obvious the way the journal is written that he is hamming it up and playing to his presumed audience, doling out the ultimate shock value as his alter-ego ‘REB’ rants unrepentently in arrogance and angry contempt for the world. – all to seal his reputation permanently as the infamous genius who hoodwinked everyone under the guise of the seemingly respectful, hard-working, deligent student and law-abiding citizen, Eric Harris. The remaining 10% or so reveals in-between-the-line glimpses of Eric, the hyper sensitive, chip-on-his-shoulder hurt, self-loathing ‘weird’ kid who never able to fit in anywhere. If you read his journal at face-value, you will play easily into his hands and see what he wanted you to see all along. If you read it carefully the next go-round, you’ll begin to see through the glaringly visible cracks in his ‘badassery’ facade. So, yes, for Eric, you guessed correctly that he wrote his journal, his ‘Book of God’, with the expected intent that the public would automatically preceive him as ‘The Psychopath’ without remorse or conscience, that enjoyed every minute of the great public deception.

Dylan’s journal is vastly different from Eric’s. It reads honestly raw and painfully self-loathing and miserable. He starts out meaning to throw out some thoughts on to the page in a typical teenage journal fashion, blowing off steam and ranting about mundane incidents – but very soon, he meanders into metaphysical ideas and concepts, lamenting and expressing his sorrows of feeling a lonely stranger within humanity, some of which is in poetic form, and eventually ruminating quite often as to which girl would be The Girl of his dreams and fantasies that would unite with him after his suicide, his death, if it was not possible for him to have this girlfriend in life. He also references refraining from masturbation, having a ‘foot fetish and bondage extreme likely’ most of which is way too mortifying for an intensely shy teenage boy to intentionally leave his journal behind for potential public consumption. It is my belief that Dylan’s journal was meant for himself and his intent was primarily to purge his depressed mind of cyclical suffering thoughts. I think he considered and weighed heavily whether he should destoy his journal but I get the sense he left it behind for only his family so they would not be utterly left completely in the dark. So, that they may understand the burden his life had been with the internal battle his mind had been waging for quite some time. Dylan’s journal is pretty much so painful, awkward and sad that you would have to wonder why he would want to construct this sort of journal for public consumption when it would only paint him as a sad, emotional loser. The imagine he projected at the school on 4/20 was wild bad ass by comparison. So, no, I think Dylan’s journal was intensely personal and was utterly, painfully honest.

In any case, both journals are relevant in that they let us glimpse into their personalities even if Eric was attempting to construct a fake one. 😉 Both are very helpful sources in understanding the contrasting personalities of these two individual boys.