Yes, the Ever-lasting contrast. Since existence has known, the 'fight' between good & evil has continued. Obviously, this fight can never end. Good things turn bad, bad things become good. My fav. contrasting symbol, because it is so true & means so much – the battle between good & bad never ends… Here we ponder on the tragedy of Dylan Klebold.
Yes, I know the audio you’re referring to. It’s a pretty well known thing for those that are into Columbine research. The problem with that audio though is that it’s really not clear at all. Every single person hears something completely different out of it. The only thing that is super clear is Eric’s “Get up!” and Dylan’s “Evvvveeerrybody get up NOW! You’re all mine!” Eric’s *table slap* “Peekaboo!”.is super hard to hear but it does sound legit. It took me a very long time to distinguish that. Everything else is subject to everyone else’s individual hearing. I would say a lot of people want to hear something so badly on that audio that they matrix in things just to hear something ‘new’. I’ve listened to it numerous times and with various different headphones and speakers, etc. and tbh, I still cannot make-out half the things people claim they hear.
I am certain that audio is not at all complete. I believe the audio has been masked to not be super clear and so we are not hearing everything that went on in that audio file and certainly not even half of what was Eric and Dylan said. Definitely don’t hear them laughing as they did. I’m sure there is a complete audio that has never been released to the public that has the entire, unmasked version where you can more clearly hear E & D interacting and shooting, injuring and killing students .
And, no, that will never, ever be released…so don’t ask me that next. 😉
325 questions in my inbox after my hiatus. And there is no way in hell I’m going to get to these all. Hmm..blog purge time? 🤔
I think the boys were probably shocked what real killing carnage looked like up close and in person. Not quite like animated DOOM and a whole lot messier and intense. Eric got cocky and knelt down with his shot gun and wasn’t thinking about the immense kick back of his powerful weapon at all. All his rampart range practice went out the window in reckless carelessness. He was too busy wanting to try the cool NBK things he’d fantasized about in all his ‘pay back time’ fantasies. They wanted to have a Micky and Mallory, cold blooded killing party in da house. The moment he shot Cassie, Eric slammed his nose. But he also simultaneously felt and heard her blood and skull bits project out which probably landed on himself too. He saw her slump down lifeless like a rag doll and hear others scream in horror. And then his nose was throbbing. Eric never did anything like that before. Can you imagine how that felt not only seeing how it actually looked to shoot someone at close range like that while feeling the enormous pain of having his nose fucked up while doing it? None of the reality of what happened in that moment measured up to his fantasy expectations. That one thing he did was a flop ..in addition to the bombs failing. He was in pain, stunned, numbed out and probably partially feeling sick and woozy from seeing what happened to her and feeling what happened to himself. Furthermore, he felt kind of well, stupid. (His thoughts were probably ‘Fucker should be shot for being such a stupid fucker!’ ) He tells Dylan he hit himself in the face and he tries to just laugh it off. Dylan replies “why’d you do that?” They are kind of still laughing..trying to play up that this *should* be fun..even though it wasn’t coming near close to how cool they thought they’d be in their NBK fantasies.
But killing was what these two came here to do. So, even if they were shooting and whooping it up and secretly shocked and having that sinking, sick feeling in the pit of their stomach ever time something unexpected happen and how really killing people looked with real, flesh and blood people, they had to keep all of those grossed out feelings to themselves. They had to continue to act like they were having a good time. They were pretty disconnected and divorced from their physical bodies, playing up the ‘this is (should be) fun!’ mantra the entire time, in order to keep composure, to not dwell on anything for too long or they might get sick. If they neither could stomach it, they’d be letting one another down. The had to maintain that they were onboard to see this thing through to the end. They must kill as many people as possible because they had planned to do so for many months. The death party show must go on whether they were secretly not enjoying it as much as they thought they would, or not. It’s like being on an intense roller coaster ride where you’re screaming and trying to laugh but also half scared to death and sick to your stomach – and you keep trying to tell yourself ‘this is fun’ over and over to convince yourself. Real death was gross. Real killing was a lot more work than they anticipated..which is probably why they were aimless after they left the library. After that, the bombs became the focus. They were saving the last kill for their own selves.
Probably closed casket I would imagine due to the facial/head region damage. Any Cassie blogs out there are probably better able to help with these sorts of details though.. I think I’m probably done answering Cassie questions for a while. 🙂
He asked her two separate times in different chat log convos and in slightly different ways. .The second time she said she ‘wasn’t sure if she should answer that’ because her mom was in the room.
He wrote a letter to Jen Laufenberg. They worked together at Tortilla Wraps summer of ‘98. She was his supervisor and he was interested in her but by that fall, she was college bound for CSU.
’Least favorite’ ? Are you kidding me, everything the boys say is all amateur, comedic gold. 😂 Hmm.. I wouldn’t even know how to answer this. Why. Do you have a least favorite ?
Maybe..? but I find there is always something new to be learned. I like it especially when I learn tiny, ‘new’ tidbits from the 11K. That document is so large there is always plenty more things to glean from it that puts another angle of perspective on the entire story. Sometimes I’ll also stumble upon internet articles I hadn’t seen before and uncover something never seen before. You just never know what might surface..
Considering the adrenaline rush of the out-of-body, crazy madness of the moment they were in, their detached minds distorted their perception and skewed reality. It probably felt like they killed at least 40-50 people. At least, it viscerally felt that way to them. While in the library, they were literally reloading weapons, walking around and pointing and shooting under the tables randomly and then reloading again. They heard cries and whimpers and people scared and in pain. They saw feet and legs under tables, saw people spasm after being shot, saw a whole lot of blood everywhere and on themselves, smelled gun smoke. The combined perception of all of those sights/sounds/smells would lead them to believe that they killed many more than they actually did.
On the contrary, I think Dylan would’ve appreciated a girl that had her own mind and formed her own opinions and felt passionate and strongly about them. Dylan as a gifted person with an advanced intellect that was constantly years a head of his age group, could more than handle a girl like that and he would’ve found her interesting and simulating. She would’ve encouraged him to come out of his quiet shell more often and to speak his mind and converse about his strong thoughts and feelings too. Once she was on her soapbox and he was listening to her discuss the various reasons why she liked or hated something (say for example NINs latest album), he’d be standing there kind of chuckling and enjoying her feisty, strong convictions in the limelight. As a dude friend, Eric was blunt and opinionated kind of guy, and the two having a very opposite personality dynamic worked harmoniously together.
No, I absolutely do not think Eric and Dylan would be for killing children. I think that is where they drew the line. I feel as though they considered kids to be still relatively innocent. Children are not yet completely molded by society and have not yet fully become ‘mindless robots’ as Eric would say or “Zombies” as Dylan referred to them. I think too, Eric and Dylan were sort of stuck or stunted frozen as younger boys emotionally even though their intelligence had progressed. For both, the happier more carefree times in life were the memories they had in the ‘beautiful past’ as kids. It was an uncomplicated time before things turned shitty as there grew older and felt more peer pressure to conform and be like other older kids their age or suffer the consequences. They were like wounded children in a way and I feel as though they would consider it sick and disgusting to pick off children intentionally because they are still unsoiled and not yet tainted just as they once were. So, I feel like though they would frown upon Adam Lanza and what he did. They, too, would judge him (particularly Eric) and would have a hard time understanding why he specifically targeted young children at an elementary school..especially when there are so many other locations to target where a point could be made with adultish people that they felt truly deserved to be taught a lesson by way of their wrath.
Use the E-C Search and type in “NBK” to address your first question.
Most planning? Mm..overall, I’d say Eric. But that is not to say that Dylan didn’t plan at all. It was definitely a joint effort but Eric had the gift of seeing and realizing a goal with solid follow through. I feel as though Eric came up with the big picture and both fleshed out the details together as they spent time together brainstorming ideas. Dylan also tended to get creative with weaponry and gear inventions. For example, the Napalm gun he designed in his writings. It’s a good possibility he conceptualized the wrist match striker bracelets. Eric managed intricate logistical details like observing how many students were in the cafeteria during A lunch and when the best time would be for the bombs to blow during a time the maximum capacity of students were in that area.
Use the E-C Search and type in “NBK” for all the answers regarding.
A Mother’s Love
Sue slow blinks an ‘I love you’ to her son as she studies him with the unconditional deep, abiding love of a mother. A pained, forlorn, regretful expression etched on her weary features. The longing to see her son, Dylan, once again, is evident.
“I still adore him with all of my heart. I talk to him. I dream about him. Sometimes I cry when I wake up because I’ll be holding him..while talking to him. He is beloved. And everything I speak and everything I do, I tell him thatit’s for him… I never stopped loving my son. I will love him until I breathe my last breath. He’s like an invisible child that I carry in my arms everywhere I go, always.”
Dylan Klebold’s affection for The Smashing Pumpkins – those purveyors of often-melancholy alt-rock who became icons in and of the ’90s – has been well documented. If ‘Disarm’ is the band’s track that he identified with most personally (selecting it to be played on the ‘my thoughtz’ page of his website that never came to be), then ‘Beautiful’ (1995) encapsulates his notions of romantic love. A number of Dylan’s writings reference this track directly, and sometimes indirectly. We can’t know whether the indirect references were deliberate, or inadvertent due to the song resonating with Dylan’s feelings, but I thought a comparison of the lyrics with his scribblings was worthy of a post.
(I recommend pressing ‘play’ on the above video while perusing this post :))
Beautiful, you’re beautiful
As beautiful as the sun
Wonderful, you’re wonderful
As wonderful as they come
And I can’t help but feel attached
To the feelings I can’t even match
With my face pressed up to the glass
Wanting you
(Opening verses from the song Dylan wrote in his day planner on the page for May 4-10, 1998)
Beautiful, you’re beautiful
As beautiful as the sky
(From Dylan’s day planner, April 13-19, 1998)
Wonderful, it’s wonderful
To know that you’re just like I
You seem a lot like me.
(From Dylan’s never-sent letter to his love. Both ‘Beautiful’ and Dylan’s fantasies involve a love who is a kindred spirit, a soul match.)
And I’m sure you know me well
As I’m sure you don’t
But you just can’t tell
Who’ll you love and who you won’t
No, who’ll you love and who you won’t
You don’t consciously know who I am, & doubtedly unconsciously too. I, who write this, love you beyond infinince.
My love will find me. She feels as i do right now, i can feel it. We will be inseparable. Her & i.
(From Dylan’s never-sent letter to his love (former), and journal (latter). Dylan’s acknowledgement that his love probably doesn’t know who he is, and simultaneous conviction that they are soulmates and definitely *know* each other on a spirit level is evocative of the chorus’s first two lines.)
And I love you, as you love me
I love her, & she loves me
(From Dylan’s journal, possibly written on 2/2/98, two months before he wrote the lyrics in his day planner. Maybe he was consciously referencing the song, maybe it was subconscious, or maybe this affirmation or assertion of requited love is pure coincidence.)
So let the clouds roll by your face
We’ll let the world spin on to another place
We’ll climb the tallest tree above it all
To look down on you and me and them
We will be free, to explore the vast wonders of the stars. To cascade down everlong waterfalls, & thru the warmest seas of pure happiness… no limits… no limits. Nothing will stop us.
(From Dylan’s journal. His imagery is far more melodramatic and sensational than that of the Pumpkins (of course ;)), but shares an idealistic notion of true love being linked to and shared in nature.)
And I’m sure you know me well
As I’m sure you don’t
But you just can’t tell
Who you’ll love and who you won’t
No, who’ll you love and who you won’t
No no, who’ll you love and who you won’t
No no
Don’t let your life wrap up around you
Don’t forget to call, whenever
I’ll be here just waiting for you
I’ll be under your stars forever
Neither here nor there just right beside you
I’ll be under the stairs forever
Neither here nor there just right beside you
Helplessly loving, waiting, and being ever-present but hidden at the same time sums up Dylan’s approach to the object of his affections rather perfectly.
I’d realized you’d been following me all this time and I wasn’t following you. Glad to be mutuals now…finally. 😊 Lol
Aww, and thank you for letting me know that. 💕💕means a lot!
The Everlasting Contrast 