I hate how there’s no closure, or no end. We just keep going further, and they stay the same. Nothing can be done now, and we are moving farther away.

Nope it just keeps going around and around stuck in this forever stasis and the past with those two boys a part of it, are slowly drifting away.

The Lost Boys are lost forever.  The Lost Victims are gone forever.

 It’s a permanent sad condition in which we grieve in during this time.  There is nothing we can do; there is nothing that can be done. What’s done is done and in a couple more years at 20 years past, Columbine will be joining the ranks of a historical event.  

Do you think that if Dylan had met a girl that he really liked on the night of Monday 19th April, that he would have not taken part in the massacre? I always imagine that Eric psyched Dylan up on the Sunday and Monday to carry on with the plan

On the night before the massacre?  Probably not. That late in the game, Dylan was vested in Mission NBK which would result in his own suicide and rebirth into Happiness “the end is the beginning”. So actually, Dylan didn’t need any psyching up, he was already there, down with it, relaxed and letting fate take it’s course. He was a bit anxious during prom week as Sue had thought it was just prom jitters but by Prom evening, you could tell he had let go some more when he said in response to Robyn potentially missing the prom because of her late flight: “It’s no big deal. If it happens, it happens.”  Dylan was relieved by then, he was embracing his exit with every breath of his being,  with open arms.  It was Eric that was having trouble with the anxiousness and internal second thoughts waffling. He had a hard time just running into Susan DeWitt the day before the massacre and Susan noticed how distracted he looked as though he had something on his mind.   So, no. If anything Dylan would be nudging Eric along those last two days.

https://api.soundcloud.com/tracks/255892710/stream?client_id=N2eHz8D7GtXSl6fTtcGHdSJiS74xqOUI?plead=please-dont-download-this-or-our-lawyers-wont-let-us-host-audio

“One day. one is the beginning? the end. hahaha 
reversed, yet true.” 

“The happiness is close Visible ending, end of the beginning of the halcyons.” – DBK

The End is the Beginning of the End

Send a heartbeat to
The void that cries through you
Relive the pictures that have come to pass
For now we stand alone
The world is lost and blown
And we are flesh and blood disintegrate
With no more to hate

Is it bright where you are
Have the people changed
Does it make you happy you’re so strange
And in your darkest hour
I hold secrets flame
We can watch the world devoured in it’s pain

Delivered from the blast
The last of a line of lasts
The pale princess of a palace cracked
And now the kingdom comes
Crashing down undone
And I am a master of a nothing place
Of recoil and grace

Is it bright where you are
Have the people changed
Does it make you happy you’re so strange
And in your darkest hour
I hold secrets flame
We can watch the world devoured in it’s pain

Time has stopped before us
The sky cannot ignore us
No one can separate us
For we are all that is left
The echo bounces off me
The shadow lost beside me
There’s no more need to pretend
Cause now I can begin again

Is it bright where you are
Have the people changed
Does it make you happy you’re so strange
And in your darkest hour
I hold secrets flame
We can watch the world devoured in it’s pain
Strange
Strange
Strange

everlasting-contrast:

Dylan’s Ode to Death Countdown

          One day. one is the beginning? the end. hahaha

         reversed, yet true.  About 26.5 hours from now the
         judgement will begin. Difficult, but not impossible,
         necessary, nerveracking & fun.

                             What fun is life without
                                            a little death?

              It’s interesting, when im in my human
             form, knowing im going to die.  Everything
             has a touch of triviality to it.  like how
             none of this calculus shit matters the way
             it shouldn’t.  the truth.  In 26.4 hours i’ll 
             be dead, & in happiness. Oh little zombie
             human fags will know their errors, & be
            forever suffering & mournful. HAHAHA, of course
            I will miss things. not really.

Precisely right now…
26.4 hours = roughly 9:30-9:40 AM (UTC Mountain Time) on April 19, 1999, when Dylan was in 3rd period calculus class (9:25-10:15 AM) per the day planner schedule (JC-001-026244).

“As a child, Dylan was far too focused, patient and meticulous while playing or assembling puzzles and Legos; he was diligent in follow-through on completing tasks as well.““Dylan sought out sedentary tasks that required patience and logic“ Dylan sounds like an INTJ, not an INFP. Extroverted intuition users are far more scattered than focused. A Ni-Fi loop would explain the stuff he wrote in in his journal and his general unhappiness.

It would be seemingly contradictory wouldn’t it?  But if you look through Dylan’s journal entries which are a pretty accurate personal snapshots of his innate personality, he fits more as an INFP than an INTJ . He spends far less time reasoning rationally but is dabbling intuitive, metaphysically and generating fantasy based concepts, weaving them into his overall emotion context of how he’s feeling about his life. Like an INFP, his core, strong personal belief system flows from his writing and is very much of “what do I feel? What do I value?”  As far as his actual, down-to-earth life goes, Dylan rarely ever expresses concretely about the happenings in his real life the sort of “I did this today at it sucked” or “I hate math and the teacher needs to die” forms of judgmental statements and reasoning. Instead, he’s very nebulous and free-form train of flowing though type writing but also intensely private. Where as, conversely, Eric is more concrete and spends time reasoning, judging and rationalizing in his writings. There is a debate as to whether personality types can change or cannot but I am of the personal viewpoint that if you take the test at age 10, 17, 25 and 33 year old, you’re likely going to end up with at least some degree of varying results based on development stages and maturation. It’s probably not likely that Dylan would ever change his primary functions of Introverted Intuition to an Extroverted Sensing but the other functions could potentially modify from childhood into teenage years and on. Then again, had Dylan made it to 40, he might’ve become comfortable enough in his skin with enough life experiences to turn him more Extroverted. I don’t think that’s generally the case but it can happen to people.

The other thing too about Dylan as a child: while he may have been good at being focused, meticulous and diligent while playing at constructing Lego ships, doing intricate folding of origami animals or assembling three puzzles at once and whatnot but we don’t know how much of his imagination and creative, unstructured mind was involved in the process of his seemingly concrete, thinking-based forms of playing. It just doesn’t necessarily denote that he’s an Introverted Thinker or Judging However, as far as proving he’s not ADD, it does strongly suggest he did not have an issue with attention deficit and on finishing something he started working on fully and completely.

You’ve mentioned how horrible Cullen’s book is but you also quote it (example: the prom post) so I’m just wondering if you think the book is all bad or just some of it or it’s just that Cullen himself is horrible? Is it a false book?

There are parts of his book that are okay enough and not too bad as far as describing what Littleton is like in terms of look and feel of it’s culture and demographic and also here too, with the description of the Prom, he paints a decent picture that’s fairly accurate because it pretty much dovetails with the Jeff Kass book (Columbine: A True Crime Story).  It’s only when Cullen inserts his own opinions like denying that bullying existed at the school or was in part the reason why Columbine happened or adding his embellishments by describing Nate Dykeman as more potentially handsome than Dylan or when he declares that Eric isn’t a loser with women as people want to believe because, oh no, he’s a lady’s man.  This is Cullen’s opinion that he inserts into his book and he believes it himself and has the ego to expect others to buy it as well.  It has no bases in reality because if he actually took the time to seriously interview friends and acquaintances that went to the school and knew the boys they would laugh in his face and shake their heads over the things Cullen says in trying to re-write history.  But the prom scene here I liked because it stuck fairly close to the facts and it gives you a good feeling as to how the event transpired.