Fuck me / Die me

The Many Goodbyes of Dylan Klebold (Part 2)

2 (poems) Fuck me / Die me

Soon I will be at peace I hope…

…wanna die and be free w/ my love…
if..she even exists.

If by fate’s choice, [redacted] didn’t love me, I’d slit my wrist and blow up atlanta strapped to my neck. It’s good, understanding a hard road since my realization, but it get’s easier. BUT IT DOESN’T! That’s part of existence. unpredictable. Existence is pure hell and pure heaven all the same time.

I will go away soon, but I just had to write this to you, the one I truly loved. Please, for my sake, don’t tell anybody, as it was only meant for you. Also, please don’t feel any guilt about my soon to be “absence” of this world. It is solely _my_ decision: nobody elses.

I want to go to a new existence you know what I mean (Suicide? _y_) I have nothing to live for and I won’t be able to survive in this world after this legal conviction. However, if it was true that you loved me as I do you,…I would find a way to survive. Anything to be with you.
I would enjoy life knowing that you loved me.

Well, I guess this is it — goodbye & I love(d) you.

This is probably my last entry. I love myself a close second to [redacted] my everlasting love. goodbye.

I hate this non-thinking stasis. I’m stuck in humanity. maybe Going NBK (gawd) w. eric is the way to break free.
i hate this. Love You.

(Part 1)


Goodbye…Sorry to everyone..I just can’t take it…

The Many Goodbyes of Dylan Klebold (Part 1)

Goodbye,
Sorry to everyone…
I just can’t take it…
all the thoughts…
too many…make my
head twist..
I must have happiness..
love, peace,
..goodbye..

I don’t fit in I’m thinking of suicide gives me hope, that I’ll be in my place wherever is after this life – that I’ll finally not be at war with myself, the world, the universe – my mind, body, everywhere, everything at PEACE – w/ me – my soul (existence)

That’s all for this topic…maybe I’ll never see this again…

oooh god, I want to die so bad…such a sad, desolate, lonely unsalvageable I feel I am…not fair NOT FAIR!!!

[redacted] can get me that gun I hope, I want to use it on a poor S.O.B.
I know..his name is vodka, dylan is his name too. What else can I do/give..

I hate everything, why can’t I die..not fair.

No emotions. not caring
yet another stage in this
shit life. suicide…
Dylan Klebold

Soon I will be at peace I hope…

Abandonment. this room sux..wanna die

————————————————————————————
“He had a lot of pain – he told me that,”
says his friend Sarah Slater, 16.

quityour-bitching:

Later she said, “I’ve had thousands of dreams about Dylan where I’m talking to him and trying to get him to tell me how he feels. I dreamed that I was getting him ready for bed, and I lifted up his shirt, and he was covered with cuts. And he was in all this pain, and I didn’t see it; it was hidden.” 

– Sue Klebold, Far From The Tree

Although his parents harbor some anger at the Klebolds and Harrises, Brooks Brown himself seems not to. In fact, six months after the killings, he says, Brown drove up to the Klebold home, in the wooded foothills outside Littleton. Dylan’s parents were there. Sue Klebold served Brown some strawberry shortcake. “I was chilling with Tom and Sue, and we talked about all the different lies the sheriff was telling, and Tom said, ‘You know who would be great to get out here? Michael Moore. Go on his Web site — it has his e-mail. I can’t do this because our lawyer won’t let us. But that would be awesome.’ I sent Michael Moore an e-mail and said, ‘I’m this kid from Columbine, you might have seen me on the news. I’d really like to talk to you for a couple of minutes and see if you’d want to come out and do a movie on Columbine.’ So Tom Klebold’s the reason ‘Bowling for Columbine’ happened.”

5 Year Anniversary Salon article


https://everlasting-contrast.tumblr.com/post/95461880615/audio_player_iframe/everlasting-contrast/tumblr_napfl0VJmg1sfkxk2?audio_file=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.tumblr.com%2Faudio_file%2Feverlasting-contrast%2F95461880615%2Ftumblr_napfl0VJmg1sfkxk2

ericharrisblog:

Nate and Dylan arriving at Columbine in the Dykeman Morning Ride video

“..I know I don’t..”

Yeah, we know why that is..

Columbine: Humiliation and revenge – The Story of Reb and VoDKa (Part 5)

pocketsfullofsorrow93:

(Typed out by: reb-n-vodka-a-beautiful-disaster [ Thanks!!!! 😀 ] )

In January 1998 came a public sign that something was amiss with Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold. Sheriff’s deputies arrested Eric and Dylan for breaking into a van out in Deer Creek Canyon and stealing $400 worth of…

Columbine: Humiliation and revenge – The Story of Reb and VoDKa (Part 5)

do you know what dylan’s ascendant sign was?

Dylan’s Ascendant (or Rising Sign) is Libra.

A little background on The Rising Sign or Ascendant:  It is ‘the mask’ of the persona, and the first impression we make on those we meet. It could be said that the qualities of the sign that was rising on the eastern horizon imprints on the outer self as we emerge into the world. After that, each time we encounter a new situation or person, this is the “face” we reveal. If you’ve ever been puzzled by how others describe you, it could be that they’ve encountered your Rising sign qualities. It’s the image facing outward, and might not be how you see yourself at all. It is the front door of the self, but as much a part of the personality as the Sun sign.

By comparison, your Sun Sign describes your basic nature and the core personality traits that remain constant through the ups and downs of life. It is the image you shine out to the world, but it comes from that truest, innermost part of you. The Sun Sign describes your unique personal center.

However, even though Dylan’s Sun Sign is Virgo, he presents more like a Libra in vibe. Why?  This is because in addition to his Libra Ascendant, he also has five other planets in Libra as well. (This will be in another post I’m working on.) Heavily influenced by Libra as well as his moon (emotions/feelings) in Aquarius. One could say his astrological natal chart is dominated by Air.   It’s no wonder he could not turn off the mental energy and was often thinking a ‘shit loads of El Thoughtz’ 24/7. 

If you read the description below, you’ll see how much Dylan’s Libra Rising corroborates Sue Klebold’s own descriptions of her son Pt 1_Pt 2_ Pt 3_Pt 4 as being a good listener and also being flexible, easily persuaded to change his mind to another person’s point of view.  Acceptance and approval met everything to Dylan; loyalty to friends meant he came across as essentially easy-going or ‘chill’, soft spoken, respectful, not the sort to make waves, or burn bridges with established friendships.  At one point, he was in the midst of a moral dilemma concerned the safety of his childhood friend, Brooks Brown, concerning the death threats on Eric’s website.  He made the risky decision to secretly tip off Brooks with the website link on a piece of paper and specified that Brooks should not divulge where he got the information.  As the Libran ‘middle man’ caught between the feud of his two good friends, Dylan was able to circumvent potential disharmony with Eric yet also warn Brooks to keep him safe. Brooks also mentioned in ‘No Easy Answers’ that Dylan seemed relieved when Brooks and Eric finally made up and there was peace again between them.

Libra Ascendant/Rising Sign Traits:

“You are a natural diplomat, reasonable, tolerant, fair, always willing to listen to varying viewpoints, and ready to see the other side of an issue. Even if you strongly disagree with someone, you will try to find points of similarity and agreement rather than emphasizing the differences. You often avoid taking an extreme or one-sided stance on anything. You have a strong desire for harmonious and pleasant relationships, and express a spirit of cooperation, compromise, friendship, and fairness. You very much want to be liked and because of your need for approval and acceptance, you are easily influenced by others’ opinions, especially when young. You so much want to please that often you will suppress your own intense or unpleasant feelings in order not to offend others. Sometimes your politeness is interpreted as phoniness or wishy-washiness.

Your need to create harmony extends to your physical environment and personal appearance as well. You appreciate beauty and have a natural sense of balance, symmetry, and proportion. You do everything in good taste, with a sense of style and art. From your home furnishings to your choice of clothing, everything must be aesthetically appealing, not simply functional or utilitarian.

You also feel that relationships are an art, one that especially interests you and one that you are usually quite skilled at, for you possess tact and acute awareness of other people. Marriage is very significant to you and finding the right person to share your life with is extremely important. Being part of a close couple seems natural to you – you are not an independent loner. Having a partner increases your self-confidence. You do have a tendency, however, to become overly dependent on your partner and perhaps not to develop a clearly defined identity outside of the relationship. Finding the balance between being yourself and blending and uniting with another is a challenge for you.

Others see you as an agreeable, smooth, harmonious, and "nice” person. Though there may be much more to you, this is the sort of face you show to the world. You possess personal charm and an understated, noncombative manner. Your motto could be “you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar” for you usually take a friendly, cooperative approach rather than a strong, forceful, I’m-going-to-conquer-the-world attitude.“

Columbine: Humiliation and revenge – The Story of Reb and VoDKa (Part 4)

pocketsfullofsorrow93:

Free pass or not, Dylan and Eric hit Rock ‘n Bowl regularly. Management cranks the music, and the DJ plays requests. If you are under twenty-one, the fun stops there: Bartenders card everyone, and a sheriff’s deputy wanders the premises, eagerly ticketing underage smokers. Teenagers in Littleton,…

Columbine: Humiliation and revenge – The Story of Reb and VoDKa (Part 4)

Hi, I love your blog. I was just curious if you knew why they would use Beanie Babies to hide Dylan’s wounds in the coffin when he supposedly hated Beanie Babies?

Beanie Babies was a big thing in the nineties.  Dylan may have mentioned to Devon that he hated Beanie Babies but since he knew she liked them, he bestowed one on her as his last birthday gift to her.  His parents, however, may not have even known that Dylan hated Beanie Babies.  I can see there being that typical sort of disconnect of parents not knowing a plethora of mundane likes/dislikes of their own teenage son. They simply decided upon something child-like comforting to surround the bullet hole on their son’s head for the funeral. We also don’t know how many of his stuffed animals they kept from when he was a child so maybe it was a mix of Beanie Babies and his own stuffed animals? But you can just picture Dylan’s *eye roll* as his spirit looked down on his engulfed Beanie Babies head at the funeral, can’t you? Yep. an infinince of damnation even after death. That sounds like a one-shot fic right there. heh.

Columbine – Humiliation and Revenge: The Story of Reb and VoDKa (part 3)

Dylan and Eric would talk about how much they despised athletes – the way they carried themselves, their attitude of entitlement. The way they got all the hottest girls. How about that enormous wrestler, six feet four inches of subtlety, who drove a fucking Humvee to school! Who switched to a Viper coupe when he got tired of the Humvee! “Dylan would say, ‘I hate jocks,’ ” says Sarah Slater. ” ‘They’re fucking ignorant,’ ”

pocketsfullofsorrow93:

Last year at Columbine was a bad year for clique strife. The main problem was a few football players – “steroid poster boys,” one student called them – who embarked on a mission to make life miserable for outcasts, especially the stoners. They were always shoving the potheads against the lockers….

Columbine – Humiliation and Revenge: The Story of Reb and VoDKa (part 3)