I think the van break-in with their arrest on Jan 30th was the initial turning point that helped solidify the half jokes and kicked-around shared fantasies into something more serious and concrete. The shock and humiliation of being caught and arrested by cops would’ve made them join in solidarity over their stewing anger regarding the entire system and it’s authority dictating their lives. Once processed into the Diversion Program, they had to buckle down for the entire year completing various reform classes and working community service on weekends and such. They were held responsible and accountable to complete various steps in the ‘systems process’, and to jump through the various hoops that authority doled out to them. They could not miss appointments nor be late. They had to be accountable for good grades in school and to show that their work was adequate enough. At the same time, they had to fall in line with the school ‘system’ too. So, they were under The System’s thumb all the way around from every angle (And this never bodes very well for Indigo Children having to follow all the rules. 😉 ) They knew they had to just lay low, ‘be good’ (or at least look like it) and hope for an early release. I’m sure from about March ‘98 until when school got out in May for summer break, they must’ve been really annoyed and exhausted with the program and fitting it in between school and work. Now it was summer time, their supposed free time, and they were still stuck in the program capitulating to authority. Though, the fact that they were no longer taking up half their schedule with school, meant they had more idle free time on their hands to collaborate, flesh things out and seriously plot. So, I think the summer of ‘98 is when they really began to jump in and initiate the entire thing in concrete detail. In the Basement Tapes filmed in March, Dylan mentions they’d been planning it for ‘8 months’ and Eric said ‘at least.’

I think when they got back to the library the last time, they walked in, maybe paused briefly at the security scanners near the entrance doors and quickly assessed that everyone had left. At this point, the fascination was no longer about their kills scattered about the library. The thrill had evaporated and they were in a disillusioned funk over the overall failure of NBK.   So, no, I don’t think they  walked around in the library gloating or even just to linger and survey the damage.  They were sick of it and the walls were closing in. The thought of getting caught and arrested would be a fate worse than death.  The attention was now on the presence of the cops and the sense of being surrounded. The library exit door leading out to where the south-west entrance is located was now propped open from the students that had fled form the library and emergency vehicles were milling about just outside. Cops were there too – some keeping an eye on that door. This caught the boys’ notice as they walked further on towards the front of the library. I seem to recall from the 11K that it was eerie because one of the boys (from the description it sounded like Dylan) was seen visibly standing off in the distance from that door looking back at the cops just outside. The Lost Boy looking rather like a ghost in the smokey haze of the library staring outside the open doorway. They were face-to-face for moments and I believe some fire was exchanged in a cursory way by the boys at the cops.  Since nothing else had gone as planned, the only focus at this point had become about ‘killing cops’ so they progressed to the noises outside the main windows to get a good view of all the attention they had literally surrounded by cars, cops, swat, media, helicopters. The two exchanged fire with the vulnerable cops and ambulances on the ground trying to shuttle wounded into safety with cops simultaneously firing back up at them.  The concerted battle was the boys’ last ‘hurrah’ – their vendetta against “the authority” which also served the purpose of attempting to attain their planned death wish: to be killed by cops. At some point in the brief showdown, they must have realized it was futile. They were rapidly running out of ammo and realized that even the fantasy they’d envisioned with someone else taking their lives was not to be in the cards. At this point, the two turned from the window and had begun to quickly survey a decent enough spot within their sights for them to end their lives. They were now weary, disillusioned and desperate to take care of the problem. The back corner of the library would do.   

There wasn’t time to think; simply do what needed to be done. They strode over to their designated graveyard with resigned purpose. The only way to do this properly and without hesitation was to do it as quick as possible. Seems Eric would have been single minded in purpose, like a soldier, all business-like. Dylan would’ve been considering how he wanted to go and which personal affects he would remove off of himself. While Dylan was doing all of this, Eric was busying himself, already getting down into position and adjusting Arlene. Any exchange of words would have been hasty and not overly considered. Too much delay and hesitation would make things more difficult. The deed needed to be done, the sooner the better, especially for Eric who likely had a haunted look on his face because he quickly had to come to terms with suicide by his own hand in addition to the failure of NBK.. By contrast,  Dylan would’ve been quietly methodical, calm if not lethargic in movement. He had waited for this moment for a long time and he was mindful having fantasy-rehearsed his death several different ways before. Dylan prepared for his suicide in an almost ritual-like way by removing certain items and putting them into a small pile by himself. Somewhere in there, Dylan decided to light a Molotov which only partially exploded on the table nearby.  Yet, another failure.. Eric looked up at Dylan and the exchange might have been a nod of:  “Nice knowing you man, see you on the flip side.” And just as Dylan looked away for a split second to remove something, he would’ve been stunned by how abruptly his friend had managed to have done it, pulled the trigger: the deafening sound of the shotgun, the splattering of Eric’s brains hitting the ceiling and the blood projectiling everywhere, including on his own clothes and arm. Just in that split second, he had experienced Eric’s death peripherally while in the midst of shedding his belongings. He may have thought Eric could have waited for them to go out together, instead that was not to be the reality just as none of it had gone the way they thought it would that day.  Dylan was then literally all alone and just the thought of that in and of itself was more than enough motivation to shakily position his TEC a hair’s breath from his skull and blow himself away from his miserable existence as well. I would imagine that he’d have closed his eyes and took one last tremulous breathe while holding the vision of the Halcyons within his mind’s eye, where freedom and bliss awaited him.“ I didn’t like life too much & I know I’ll be happier wherever the fuck I go. So I’m gone. …”

And, well, that’s approximately how I envision it?  The moment they are back up in the library that last time would’ve been a very haunting, disillusioning, hardcore-gritty experience for them. It was Them versus The World which was closing in on them like a vice. Think Star Wars trash compactor.  No time to look around to admire their (rather meager) destructive handiwork they were responsible for and no time to say thoughtful “hey bro, you were the best man. I love you, dude” sentiments. Just them stuck in the library looking back at NBK as the biggest flop of their lives only to further define them as losers. Even the very last molotov that Dylan threw on the table seemed to say “nope, you two are made of fail.”   You would’ve thought Dylan might’ve wanted to pull the trigger first since he was eager for death or that Eric and Dylan would’ve waited for one another to be ready, to do it idealistically together as Bros in Arms – but instead, the colossal failure of NBK was enough to make a suddenly extremely self-loathing Eric want to blow his brains first and asap, leaving Dylan to go it alone.  The enormous sense of aloneness in that moment for Dylan would’ve topped all others in his life. 

This was much more long-winded than I intended.  Hope it helped satisfy your question and then some! And thank you so much for the kind words. 🙂