Tag: Anonymous

Do you know when Devon and Zack broke up? Did they continue to date after the shooting? I imagine going through something like Columbine would’ve made them either not want to be around each other anymore or make them even closer than ever.

Devon and Zack were together after the tragedy but the relationship probably began to dissolve with time as he went to college (she was a sophomore). I believe that they were likely together until sometime in the early 2000s.  I think they took comfort in one another in their shared pain and in both knowing the shooters well but also knowing some of the victims. They were also both close to Dylan.  So, they were more on a unique level of understanding that many of their peers were not. 

Reading Dylan’s apology to Devon actually hurt my heart. I can’t believe he isn’t here anymore. Reading it made everything just seem more real. Seeing the words sorry, and I love you on the page just made me sad. He had feelings, and wanted to be liked back. He felt alone and that hits me hard. He was scared of hurting or doing anything wrong. Until he just got to the breaking point … sigh ….

Yes, and the repetitive ‘I love you’s’ and especially, that giant one scrawled over the entire note is full of emotional desperation.  Although, I don’t believe he means it in a romantic love sort of way but instead with deep, genuine caring and love for his close friend. I’m sure after Devon and Dylan got into it with one another and he disengaged and just walked off without a word that, later on, he would’ve ruminated about it while alone that he was at fault for messing everything up and upsetting her. So, the note was a way to shout all of those feelings out of his mind and on to paper that he loves and cares for her and he hopes to have the chance to try better in the future. Devon herself mentioned that Dylan never wanted to disappoint anyone – his parents, his friends and especially not people he cared the most about such as her.  The reality of the situation is probably that Devon was just as much at fault for why they fought as he was. It wasn’t all on him for why things got messed up.  Friends aren’t always pleasant and happy all the time and if they’re good friends, they should be okay with feeling honest in expressing negative feelings with one another.  But it was probably all too much – escalatingly overwhelming for him, in seeing her upset and feeling his own rage in that moment. It probably all turned inward, into shame later on in his allowing things to escalate with his self perceived ‘bad’ behavior.

That note is most definitely beautiful and sad and all at the same time. 😦   He was a very sensitive boy.. the hypersensitivity was, unfortunately, an Achilles heel that caused him to lash back at the world in unexpressed, suppressed pain.

I just want to let you know that I love you Miss E-C and I hope that you have a good day. Thank you so much for everything, you’re fan-tastic ;) ! Sending you love and hugs 😘😘

Aww, thank you so much for that!  This honestly brightened my day. ☺️I appreciate all your unwavering love support and love.  *hugs* and Xx  ✨💖✨

Btw, I did catch your Devon-esque reference. 😉  Fan-tastic day and weekend backatcha!  Hehehe

Do you think there was something that could have stopped Dylan from doing what he did?

Yeah, Dylan could’ve stopped himself from doing what he did.  Ultimately, it comes down to a choice. He had two choices but he chose this. I know people generally are prompting me to say that him finding love or a girlfriend would’ve saved him, would have stopped him from doing what he decided to do, but it’s not really as simple as that.  Teenage love relationships are rarely a happily ever after and they come with a heap of challenges and problems. If things turned rocky or went sour after the initial bliss, at the end of the day, he’d hate himself even more.  And he would’ve struggled with that eventually. As Sue said herself ‘love is not enough’.  He was a broken person and needed help. By the time he’d committed himself to destruction and had resigned himself to it, it’s less likely that any external factors could’ve changed the course he had committed to and pulled him from the brink. He also had months of planning and commitment to Eric and the plan, which reinforced in his mono-focused mindset that they must ‘do what they have to do.’

Would it be possible that the acronyme Dylan wrote is about Devon and not Marla or any other girl ? They were good friends but after reading your last posts I have a doubt

Well, months ago I used Dylan’s Acrostic for Devon’s name seeing as she, like Marla, also had ten letters to her name. I did it just on a whim along with another name to see whether it might ‘click’ perfectly or not.  But I honestly don’t think some of the letters work as a comfortable fit for the words you can piece together within Dylan’s broken out sentences.  Below is what I constructed. And, as you can see, it isn’t too terribly hard to make any 10 letter name fit in a way that makes some sort of reasonable sense.. if you ponder long and hard enough on some of them.  😉   For example:  2, 5, 6, 7 and 8 were a bit of a stretch.  6. was difficult and I don’t really see Dylan using ‘ardently’ (just a skosh too antiquated.. even for Dylan) but I was hard pressed to conjure another word.  8. Just doesn’t fit the bill.   But, ultimately, I don’t think Devon’s name is ‘the right one’.  It’s a bit of a case of Cinderella’s slipper not quite fitting, methinks.   Plus, I honestly just don’t think that Dylan wrote the acrostic for Devon even if he did love her very genuinely as a close friend.  I just don’t think he ever saw Devon as a possibility romantically speaking even if he had a bit of endeared crush on her out of the validation and trust she gave him.  He was seeking a ‘true love’ of his own as he viewed Zack as finding that in Devon. He wished for a girl very much like Devon in qualities though, I think, yes.

I would imagine some of you will come up with some other word combos for some of these..which, of course, I would love to hear. 🙂 

1. _ D___ is for the ___Devoted_____ joy she gives me.

2. __E___  is for how she ___Eternally leaves____ me helpless with her
beautiful gaze.

3. __V___  is for the ____Vulnerable___  moments she share with me.

4. __O___  is for the ____One____ found love that I’ve been looking for all my life.

5. __N___  is for the __Nature_____ of us as a couple.

6. __A___  how ___Ardently_____I hope to spend time with her.

7. __D___  how she is the ___Dearest____ one I love, that I have ever loved.

8. __A___  is for the _____Air_______ where we can look at the stars.

9. __M___  How ____Magnificently_____ beautiful she is.

10. _S___  Her ____Sass_____ for everything she does.

hey! first off, I’d like to say i absolutely adore your blog!! in the question you just recently answered regarding Dylan and Devon’s friendship, you mentioned that there was a piece of writing that strongly makes you feel as though he is writing about her, which piece of writing do you believe that was? <33

What piece of writing makes you strongly think he was talking about Devon? Btw you’re awesome💖

Sorry, I’m rather late on posting this.  It’s been a loooong day.  But I haven’t forgotten your requests!   ❤ 

So, without further adieu…

Here is the passage that I feel as though a very anguished, regretful, beside-himself Dylan wrote this secret apology to his best friend, Devon, pleading for her absolution after they bickered and he walked off steamed.  His frantic hand scrawled with raw emotions surfacing as he was probably half drunk and feeling utterly anguished, beating himself up over how he felt he horribly acted with her and messed everything up. His giant, repetitive declarations of LOVE are stamped everywhere, like a mantra, as if to declare the depth of his caring for Devon. It’s the equivalent to someone shouting the words tormentedly to someone that cannot hear them at all from a distance. Devon is Zacks girl..and Dylan is resigned that he and Devon can only ever be friends because of the circumstances of fate.. but regardless, he loves this friend of his immensely all the same…but he’s made a big mess of things as the giant asshole that he was to her. She seems sad to him.   Can he ever make things right again between them?, he worries  in his mind. He will try, always, to be better.  Can his ❤ repair his misactions and set everything right again?

This apology note may have been written after this spat specifically or perhaps some other moment where the two butt heads. Note, the redacted blacked out name would comfortably fit ‘Devon.‘

image


I am _SO_
sorry… I see I have made
you sad, & fucked us up somehow
I will try … always .. I will always
love you, please know this …
                               Love 
                              me.
I love you.   I LOVE YOU

I  L O V E  YOU  ! (over the entire note)

-Dylan Klebold

Praying for victims isn’t t a perverse joke!! You should be ashamed of discarding to pray for them like that. When someone dies, which ever way they die, you fucking pray for them, not react the way you acted.

Well, you totally missed my point in those previous posts. I’m not going to revisit/rehash this for you though. I think I expressed my reaction and everyone either got where I was coming from or perhaps didn’t, but allowed me to rant and express my feelings on my blog on the heels of the latest shooting.   In any case, if you believe it’s important to pray for whatever you feel is necessary, go right ahead. You do you.  If you have your own blog, go right ahead and post your “thoughts and prayers” as you see fit.  But attacking and attempting to shame people for not doing as you believe just ain’t my bag. So in light of that, I send prays for you to understand and respect other people’s viewpoints which may differ from your own. 🙂  

Chris Tabaldo? I thought Eric was the one who got in trouble with hacking the school computers with Dylan and Zack? It even said Eric was suspended

I think the situation was that Dylan, Zack and Chris were the CHS computer and network administrators. So, Yoshi heard the rumor of what went down and likely assumed Chris was involved in the hacking incident. But in actuality, Zack and Dylan were responsible for hacking into the system eventually locating the locker combo info. Once Dylan got the locker combo list, he gave the list of private information to Eric. So, Eric was an accessory to the incident.  Only the three were suspended: Dylan and Zack received five days and Eric, three days. More on the incident here.

And how much do you want to bet that Dylan saw 5 days worth of suspension as an underscoring sign on his ‘very influential number’? 

P L E A S E post some more footage from your visit at CHS. You mentioned posting a video of either the tech lab or computer lab awhile ago (I don’t remember which one it was specifically) but it’s definitely something I’ve been waiting to see. 🤞🏻

Well, I would today but it really needs to be edited first. I need to re-remember how to use Camtasia from the last time I used it. Unless someone knows of better/quicker video editing software? 

Why do you think Eric was so fascinated by the German language?

It’s a language that sounds severe, guttural and brutal to most Americans of all the world languages. I’m sure Rebby got off on how dangerous it sounded to his peers who didn’t understand what he was saying (even if it was just him mimicking Rammstein song lyrics *coughs*).  Plus, his Nazi fascination and love for Rammstein and KMFDM made it a deal breaker to stick with of the few languages that are offered to learn in American HS.

Am I the only one who sees a strong parallel between the news coverage of this shooting and Columbine? A lot of the helicopter footage and on ground student interviews looked identical to 1999

Nope, you’re not.  The seismic ripple effect that is Columbine reverberating and echoing the fact that nothing has really changed even with the passage of time.  Only now we have shooters that are easily able to get their hands on AR-15s and are cocky enough to think they can actually escape the scene and allude being apprehended. Go figure.   

“Things are changing
But nothing changes
And still there are changes “

–Enigma

I wonder if events like this hit sue hard, like she has this sort of painful nostalgia and it brings her back to 4/20 and the days to follow..

I’m sure that whenever these events happen they torment her mentally and emotionally and cripple all of her progress towards healing and positivity.  And she knows that her son was 50% of the inspirational catalyst of all of these..and she feels impart responsible as she bore him. So, yeah, I’m sure Sue gets mowed over every time one of these events happens and it brings her right back to ‘the day’. Seeing kids on the news running out of the school with their hands over their head. Same footage but nineteen years later. Underscoring painfully how not much as really changed..it’s actually gotten far, far worse.  She probably has days where she just shuts the world out and cocoons insider her home in tears. 😦