Yes, the Ever-lasting contrast. Since existence has known, the 'fight' between good & evil has continued. Obviously, this fight can never end. Good things turn bad, bad things become good. My fav. contrasting symbol, because it is so true & means so much – the battle between good & bad never ends… Here we ponder on the tragedy of Dylan Klebold.
Tag: Dylan Klebold
Despite how unclear this published family photo is, it’s amazing how similar Dylan and his mom’s facial features are. The nose and big chin and the bunched up smile and cheeks and slightly deep set eyes. He definitely favors Sue just a bit more in features over his father.
Also, note that Dylan had on a necklace even back when he was a little guy. Unlike his black beaded cloth necklace, this one appearance to be a circular medallion of some sort. It’s just a little tidbit I honed in on the other day while studying this photo more closely. Given how nostalgic Dylan tended to be, it might even be possible that he reused the necklace string as seen here, for his beaded cloth necklace in future years. It certainly would be in keeping with the way he recycled the emblems on his worn out ball caps onto a brand new one. i wonder at the circular medallion too – it’s got to be something special that mom made as an artist or dad gave to him, a lucky piece of some sort that he always wore, even back then as a kid.
Isn’t that kind of like looking at the glass half empty and missing the rest of it?
You’ll notice too that Everlasting Contrast also had an upright cross, which could be considered the Christian cross in addition to the inverted cross at the other end of it. But if we used your logic in only looking at one aspect of it, could we then say that the E-C was against the devil/Satanism simply because one part of it had the Christian cross? No. To full understand the E-C, you’d have to see it in it’s entirety – both cross ends of the double cross bound by the larger slash across the opposing two – which forms as the joining third cross in the middle. The third cross is probably the most important, signifying the balance and/or struggle of the duality and polarity that is within each of us. The potential to exist as having both within us and accepting both equally as valid.
-I–|–I-
The E-C triple cross is a constant, eternal force within the universe.
Humiliated? No. I really don’t think they’d care what anyone thought other than the fact the the sight of the two of them would make a useful, shocking impression on the world. That they did what they did to themselves because they didn’t give a shit, they didn’t fear death and dying and they certainly didn’t have any remorse, apprehension and revulsion over taking other people’s lives and dragging them all kicking and screaming into death along side them. Their battered bodies laying on the library floor in pools of deep crimson bloody gore represented how they were made to feel worthless and so therefore, everything in their wake would be dealt with as worthless crap. ‘You all consider us worthless garbage so we’ll take out all of you out as the same worthless garbage and pieces of shit.’
They were two bombs that exploded and imploded all at the same time.
They were the equalizers by leveling the playing field. War is war and death isn’t pretty is it people? We’re ugly and scary to look at. They threw it all back in your face and the truth hurts. Their bodies would be A Symbol that they feared nothing – not violence nor death. And in so doing, they were a symbol of power that none could touch. They took their own lives and no one on this shit hole of a planet was about to take them as prisoners.
And, well, actually.. I do believe they’d be morbidly fascinated as to how they looked in death..but also disgusted thinking about it in retrospect that the whole thing did not go down as they fantasized. It started out heady but rapidly became more of a nightmare in the end so they needed to end themselves by way of their own deaths to escape it.
I think he left his ball cap on because it was an accessory that was intrinsically connected to his personal being. He might not have even considered taking it off at all as he had done with the small pile he set aside of his other personal items which were all jewelry related (possibly made or given to him by a loved one, probably his mother). The hat was his thing, his creative project and as I said in recent posts, he probably oversaw sewing the patch/es on to it the way he wanted it to look.
His hat was, it became over time, basically like an extension of his hair. So, I think he overlooked removing it entirely while pointing the gun to his left temple If you study the inside of the cap closely, you can see that it’s profusely flooded with blood stain on the left portion of the cap, yet, parts of the interior rim area and a tiny portion of the right side appears unsoiled. ( The hat is crumpled on the floor on it’s side so we can not fully see the right interior side of the hat as to how the blood stain showed up there, if any.) Had Dylan removed his hat before shooting himself, it would not have had such select areas of blood stain patterning on the interior of the hat. The blood stain seems to be mixed into the heavy blood flow on the floor beside him that had poured from his head and mouth. It’s possible that the cap dislodged the moment he immediately collapsed to the ground immediately upon shooting himself and then toppled face-down over and on top of Eric’s leg. Two other possibilities would be if he unconsciously convulsed and jerked off Eric’s leg involuntarily sputtering up blood and the cap loosened then – or lastly, yes, as you’d mentioned, when SWAT came to move his body and search for bombs on his being, his hat likely fell off his head when they rolled him over and off Eric’s leg.
Classroom hours at Columbine HS are: 7:25 am – 2:40 pm Bowling class at AMF Belleview Lanes started at 6:00 am (ouch!) I seem to recall this class was three days a week.
Dylan’s drive to school was about 7.8 miles or 16 min on a weekday morning Dylan’s drive to AMF Belleview Bowling Lanes was 10.3 miles and 20 min on a weekday morning.
Also, we know that Dylan stayed up very late with Zack on the phone playing Quake and Diablo II from 10:30 – 1-1:30 am so given all of that…
School week days bedtime: 1:00 -1:30 am wake time: 5:30 – 6 am * Bowling week days bedtime: 12:30 – 1:00 am wake time: 4:30 – 5 am * Weekends: bedtime: 2:00 – 3:00 am wake time: 12:30 – 1-ish pm
* earlier if he had to go pick up a friend before heading to school / bowling
Dylan kept those kind of crap hours while deeply depressed. Plus, he did the diversion program and community service from March ‘98 – Jan/Feb ‘99 and was holding down a part time job at Blackjack (Dec ‘98 – April ‘99) I think his mood would’ve greatly benefited from even a hour or two more sleep and consistent sleep at that. Thing is, when he actually did shut the lights off to ‘go to sleep’ his mind was still going and so he was not always ready to drop off. So, the bedtime hours mentioned above are nebulous at best. Is it any wonder that he was described as quiet and withdrawn in the morning at school.
Yes, I can see that actually. 😉 I tend to feel that Dyl did his own sewing handy work for this particular hat. Maybe his mom got fed up of doing it for him all those years he went through yet another tattered, worn out hat and so told him there’s no time like the present for for him to learn how do his own sewing handywork – but also, I think he’d do it himself out of a sense of having some creative control and exercising that sense of self reliance he had in abundance. He’d like the challenge of figuring things out for himself and doing it the way he wanted it to look as he envisioned. Just like his own t-shirt designs. He even affixed his cherished “B” off to the left of the center seam on his ball cap so it’d lay flatter rather than if he’d affixed it on top of the seam. That may be why the ‘Colorado Avalanche’ patch on the flip side looked like it was slightly starting to come away at the top from having been sewn directly on top of the seam. Sew and learn!
I would absolutely love to see a whimsical rendering from either depressioners or rainflesh of Dyl sewing his beloved patches onto his ball cap with those long, spindly, deft fingers of his. 😉 Hint muchly?
Yes, the 47 era style Colorado Avalanche hat also seems accurate to his hat in some ways. The shorter, curved bill is closer to his cap however, the size of the cap itself isn’t at all very deep. Dylan’s cap is deeper like the one I posted previously. Still, I tend to think he bought a cheap, plain black cap and sewed his old “B” and “Colorado Avalanche” patches on to it. Think it was hard for him to fit standard ball caps for his head size as well.
Mm..I’d say based on Dylan’s character as a non trendy individual, he’s sporting a no name brand, generic baseball cap. The ball cap is the fitted kind – no snap back (that’s Eric’s thing) – with a curved bill. Dyl’s got a big head (lots of brains upstairs, ya know?) and the fitted cap is evidently a very snug fit because it appears almost like a swimming cap or helmet which hugs around the top of his head; his scraggly hair fans out from the tight sides. I’d go so far as to say the cap really didn’t fit him anymore. But, you know, Dyl’s a nostalgic kinda guy so he made it fit so as to keep it with him for the fond memories he held with it. He’d out grown it to the point where it was a bit too noticably small and tight for his head. The edges of the bill are a bit tattered and torn too. So, basically probably amounts to this: he originally had a Boston Red Sox ball cap and also a Colorado Avalanche cap and after he wore those two hats to shreds, he got a generic plain ball cap with no logos whatsoever and sewed the “B” on the back (his front) and the Colorado Avalanche patch on the front (his back). The assumption is that the cap is a dark navy blue because the Boston Red Sox caps typically are of that color. That’s a misnomer because the cap is actually more black than it is navy. Something similar to this but with a much shorter bill:
You can also see the tattered rim more closely in parts of the Breaksfast Run video
More on Dylan’s homespun Boston Red Socks / Colorado Avalanche ball cap can be found here
When you gotta do NBK stuff at 8 but you need to casually kick Eric’s ass at 9
The smug smirk of V’s (for Victory) Pwnage
Alright REB, here’s the drill..
When Dylan had enough, he had had enough. Here’s two prime example recaps of Mr. V in-charge curbing Eric’s rude and obnoxious nasty behavior with a sense of grace and style. Because sometimes the one wielding power is not what one would expect; their approach can be a quiet, subtle yet effective force. Dylan walked softly and carried a big stick. He used it rarely and when he did, Eric got the message and backed the fuck off.
Amanda Semms: “..was in tears and kept apologizing over and over and over I told him (Dylan) I had insurance and I could file a report, it was my fault and that is when I was told it wasn’t a big deal the car had been hit so many times on the other side I evened it out. I started to calm down. Then the passenger door opened and Eric started yelling at me, something along the lines of I was a stupid bitch, why wasn’t I paying attention to where I was going (I honestly do not remember all of it) I thought for sure he was gonna send his girlfriend to kick my ass or something. (I am a 5’7 109 pound girl most people think they can take me on, I couldn’t believe he was so mad and it wasn’t even his car) Dylan told him to get back in the car and they took off. I didn’t see them again till the news. [Original Post]
11K version: In January 1999, Jennifer Paavilainen and her friend, Amanda Semm, were involved in a minor car accident with Klebold and Harris. Semm clipped Klebold’s BMW on the left rear fender while in the school parking lot. Klebold got out and said not to worry because the car had been hit before. There was no damage of her friend’s car. Harris then got out of the passenger side of Klebold’s car and was angry. Klebold ordered Harris to get back in the car, which he did. Klebold then got back in the car and drove off. Dylan told her she shouldn’t worry about it because the car had been hit before. Eric go out of the passanger side of dylan’s car and got angry. Then Dylan ordered him to get back in the car, which he did.” [Original Post] ——- Jennifer Harmon: When the teacher told Klebold to put them away, he would slyly slip her one anyway. “Dylan wasn’t a bad guy,” says Harmon. “I never thought he would do something like (the rampage). But they said Eric’s name on TV and I automatically knew Dylan was going to be there. Eric had a persuasion. I think Eric would always tell Dylan that people never liked him, and he was his only true friend.” Jennifer remembers them this way: Dylan smiled. Eric didn’t. Dylan was nice. Eric had a mean streak. One day, Jennifer says, she was singing a song from the German metal group Rammstein – one of the boys’ favorite bands.Eric made fun of her. Dylan told him to stop.” [Original Post]
In October ‘97, one student reported to the CHS dean that a
couple of items were missing from his locker, including a camera. Another
student said he got a threatening note in the locker warning him to back off
Devon Adams. I seem to recall that the incident apparently had something to do
with exacting revenge on Devon’s ex-boyfriend. The dean, Peter Horvath, described Eric and Dylan as “brilliant”
but ended up suspending them along with Devon and her boyfriend, Zack Heckler, on Oct 2nd, for hacking into the school’s computer system to get locker
combinations. Zack, considered the
mastermind, got five days, as did Dylan (according to his Diversion file), and Eric got three days’ worth. Devon’s defense of them was that they did it because Columbine did
not challenge them. “Because we were all just bored. When you get bored, you act out.”
In Dylan’s diversion file, Sue writes her version of the locker combination hacking. (She incorrectly has Fall ‘98 – it was ‘97 as this file was written up March ‘98). Then we have Dylan’s veeeery concise version of events. “Hacking & possessing important documents” Plus the Diversion representative jotting down that his suspension was for 5 days in 10-97.
VooDooM The fine HaXoR
Note that Dyl had plans for a t-shirt with his and Zack’s hacker nick handles:
^o=-KiBBz-=E
<<-VoDkA->>
Another instance of these nick signatures in a alignment is here in which authorities inconsistently chose to redact Zack’s handle name for some ridiculous reason. There is apparently no t-shirt design for REB with VoDkA in any of his brainstorming doodles. At least, that we know of any way. To me, this underscores Dylan’s preferences for and strong identification with Zack.
Btw, Dylan was not at all big on emailing friends. He ignored e-mails pretty much as evinced in Nate Dykeman’s comments that he and Dylan never had email exchanges. Only Eric used email with friends. Dylan was more into ICQ, instant messaging and chat rooms.
In 2007, Brooks Brown provided his own assessment in his own distinct style and voice, of the website Lear’s Shadow generally, and “Calvin and Eric, Dylan and Hobbes” in particular:
“Lear’s Shadow is a site about Eric and Dylan as humans – and it uses Calvin and Hobbes, the brilliant comic , to convey ideas. It’s fucking brilliant. The difficulty of talking about Eric and Dylan as themselves is that nobody really knew them well. A few close friends, sure – but being teenagers at the time none of us had a fantastic vocabulary … It’s damn hard to convey thoughts easily. But most everyone grew up with Calvin and Hobbes, and loved it for more than a simple laugh – we loved Calvin and his alter-ego because they were extremely intelligent. … but still had the wonderment many of us lost as children . If I talk about Calvin, you guys remember him. Hobbes too. Eric and Dylan, not so much. So, this site goes into depth comparing Eric and Dylan to Calvin and Hobbes in order to teach and show who Eric and Dylan really were. And from someone who was close friends with them, this guy’s gotten it damn close”
I found this book a very unique approach covering metaphorical Columbine with all the strange and uncanny symbolism linked to it. Worth the read, I do recommend checking it out here:
Lear’s Shadow The strangeness of Columbine, an interpretation
[cont’d] If you read that whole journal entry it’s clear to me he’s talking about Eric. Then suddenly he writes about the zombies being “a test to see if our love was genuine” and that their reward is each other. Now, I don’t believe Eric or Dylan were gay. I think Dylan may have been talking about his dream girl at the end but if that’s the case he didn’t write it well. The way it flows is that it’s his and Eric’s love that was tested etc. Maybe this is where ppl get the idea Dyl was bi.
This is a loaded question but a great one nonetheless. So, grab a seat and here we go with the Dylanosophy 101… 😉
First off, here is the entry you’re referring to:
In a journal entry Dylan writes, “i know he her & i are conceived from ourselves & each other. every night of the self-awareness journey, every thought we conceived, we have finished the race.”
First thing to keep in mind always, is Dylan is very laazzy with his handwriting. He often doesn’t finish off letters on words so they look a bit like short-hand. If you can picture him alone at night in his room, restless, unable to sleep, (maybe even at times partially buzzed on that screwdriver he snuck into his room) while scrawling out his emotional writing, it’s easy to see how different points of reference blend seamlessly within his paragraphs and how letters come out half completed in his haste to get thought to pen onto his notepaper.
What you think looks like a ‘he’ at first glance, is actually a ‘her’. But first, to verify this, we need to look at his examples of his hand writing in which he is referencing ‘her’ to make a comparison.
With Dylan’s other occurrences of the word ‘her’ in general, notice how the “r” has a slight upward hook at the end.
Particularly, if you look at these bits: “I see he-r in perfection,” and “less than nothing w/o he-r -O.”
The ‘her’ could easily be mistaken for the pronoun ‘he’. Dylan doesn’t even bother to finish off the ‘r’ there at all. Sometimes his writing is so sloppy free flowing that he gets lazy on the “r” and it barely shows up as a hint -or- it doesn’t show up at all and appears as a mistaken ‘he’ as the loop starts to go up but then abruptly stops.
In making this comparison to his other entries, I’m pretty certain that Dylan is referencing his true love, his Halcyon Girl with ‘her’ and not ‘he’ in his first sentence:
“So I wait.. 5 more days. 5 eternitys. & i know her & i are concieved from ourselves & each other.
What Dylan means by this is that he and his love are Soul Mates, kindred, one and the same. It’s essentially like the Emily Brontë quote: “He’s more myself than I am. Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same.”
The second sentence of this paragraph becomes a bit ambiguous and blurred.
every night of the self-awareness journey, every thought we concieved, we have finished the race. time to die. everything we knew, we were able to understand it, to percieve it, into what we should, everything we knew, we know & use. an understanding of the everything.
Dylan uses “we” because he sees his joint connection with Eric and their united “self awareness / godlike” destiny partnership on the earth for what it truly is. (see purple below).
Dylan then appears to meander off in his thoughts and flows into referencing his Object de Affections, the girl. (see pink below).
His loose, flowing train of thoughts interweaves fluidly in metaphorical references to Eric and back again to his Halcyon Girl, suggest that he is reflecting on a combination of both who he shares a differing Fate with.
Pink – His destined True Love (his reward at the end of the test)
Purple – The Gods: Himself and his partnership with Eric “we” (purple section) as in his unity with Eric and the journey they have been on together in partnership up to the NBK destiny.
“every night of the self-awareness journey, every thought we have conceived,we have finished the race, time to die. everything we knew we were able to understand it, to percieve it, into what we should. everything we knew, we know & use. an understanding of the everything. An einstein stuck in an ant’s body. we are the nature of existence.”
Eric and Dylan’s self-awareness, the nature of their existence – the very purpose and design of their journey on the earth and what it’s lead them to in this test. The first sentence in purple comes across very verb active as if the two “we’s” have engaged in these tasks together on the physical plane.
My interpretation of the Dylan and Eric (We/Purple section) can roughly be interpreted between the lines like this:
“Every night of the self awareness journey” (writing in their journals perhaps, playing Doom late at night and talking?) “Every thought we conceived, we (Dylan & Eric the 2 man war against everyone else) have finished the race” (the race toward the finish line on the “toilet earth”), "Time to die” (NBK) “Everything we knew, we were able to understand it, to perceive it, into what we should” (we evolved and are one step beyond the zombie-like human shit with our self awareness) “Everything we knew and know and use” (we, in our state of awareness, have utilized everything around us as a means to an end) “we are the nature of existence.“ (the natural selection of the gods).
Dylan then flows back into his thoughts about laying in wait of ‘Our Reward’.What is that ‘Reward’ you might ask? Each Other. The reward of being united where they couldn’t do so in his earthly existence. At last, being brought together with his fated True Love, this Girl and he would unite in the Halcyons after the test of this life existence was through, finished, completed. He, like Eric had come to his own sort of epiphany, living in humanity and realizing that he was among zombies and unable to assimilate. This was all part of ‘the test’ which had proven that this place and it’s people were false and the only thing that was real, pure and genuine was his love for Her and nothing else mattered as everything else had proven to not matter. Now that he knew this, the Zombies could never cause (the two of) them pain anymore. His love had transcended this false, painful existence. He passed ‘the test’ and it would be over soon once it was “time to die. time to be free, time to (find) love (with Her).This End of the test is the Beginning of our reward, each other united as one in the Halycons. Dylan wrote his afterlife. He created it with thought, will and intent, the most powerful tool of The Everything.“Thought is the most powerful thing that exists- anything conceivable can be produced, anything and everything is possible, even in your physical world.” It’s a bit like him riding off into the sunset with his love and the two living happily ever-lasting more.
I’m sure Dylan’s ‘her’ gets confused a lot for a ‘he’ by people straining to read his difficult script and so, of course, they might assume he may have been ‘bi’ given this section of his writing but that’s simply not the case if you examine his script within the context of all of what he wrote. Also, if you look at the rest of his journal, it’s pretty apparent in other passages that he is clearly referencing a girl or girls.
The Everlasting Contrast 
