Dylan Klebold’s message to owner of Marilyn Manson’s website.

fromrussiawithlotoflove:

image

This email was sent in december 1998. The owner of the website sent that copy to the FBI on 4/22/99. Two days after the massacre. Does anybody knows if it’s authentic or not ?

“Thank you for making this website. It has opened my eyes to many different perspectives. Now I see the TRUTH…

Hm..how do we know this is legit? Not sure if it sounds like his writing style.
Dylan Klebold’s message to owner of Marilyn Manson’s website.

everlasting-contrast:

The Transceiver of the Everything
(metaphysics with Dylan Klebold)

4-15-97
“Ok here’s some poetry… this is a display of one man in search of answers, never finding them, yet in hopelessness understands things…

Existence … what a strange word. He set out by determination & curiosity, knows no existence, knows nothing relevant to himself. The petty destinations of others & everything on this world, in this world, He knows the answers to. Yet they have no purpose to Him. He seeks knowledge of the unthinkable, of the undefinable, of the unknown. He explores the everything…using His mind, the most powerful tool known to Him. Not a physical barrier blocking the limits of exploration, time thru thought thru dimensions… the everything is his realm. Yet, the more He thinks, hoping to find answers to his questions, the more come up. Amazingly, the petty things mean much to Him at this time, how He wants to be normal, not this transceiver of the everything.   Then occurring to Him, the answer.
How everything is connected yet separate.
By experiencing the petty others’ actions, reactions, emotions, doings, and thoughts, he sets a mental picture of what, in His mind, is a cycle.  Existence is a great hall, life is one of the rooms, death is passing thru the doors, & the ever existent compulsion of everything is the curiosity to keep moving down the hall, thru the doors, exploring rooms, down this never-ending hall.  Questions make answers, answers, conceive questions and at long last he is content. 
TTTYL «-VoDkA-» “

5-2-97
"Within the known limits of time… within the conceived boundaries of space… the average human thinks those are the settings of existence… Yet The Ponderer, The Outkast, The Believer, helps out the human. “Think not of 2 dimensions” says The Ponderer, “but of 3 as your world is conceived of 3 dimensions, so is mine. While you explore the immediate physical boundaries of your body, you see in your 3 dimensions – L, W & H, yet I, who is more mentally open to anything, see My 3 dimensions – My realm of thought – time, space & THOUGHT.  Thought is the most powerful thing that exists – anything conceivable can be produced, anything & everything is possible, even in your physical world.” After this so called “lecture” the common man feels confused, empty, & unaware. Yet, those are the best emotions of a Ponderer. The real difference is, a True Ponderer will explore these emotions & what caused them.”

—Dylan Klebold

Classic reblog to inspire a certain someone. 😉

Gunmen Lived Dual Existence In Class, They Were Bright Students. But Out Of Class, An Inner Darkness Bubbled To The Surface.

POSTED: April 22, 1999

LITTLETON, Colo. — They were excellent students – who built pipe bombs in their spare time.

Polite around adults, at school they picked on people of color.

Outwardly artistic, they seethed inwardly at the jocks who dominate social life at Columbine High School.

A day after Eric Harris, 18, and Dylan Klebold, 17, strode into the school, brandishing the guns and homemade grenades they used to kill 13 people before turning their weapons on themselves, their friends and neighbors are still struggling to reconcile those contradictions.

“Even now,” said Mark Heckler, whose son, Zack, was one of Klebold’s best friends, “I keep asking Zack: `Was there a hint? Was there a hint?’ ”

In retrospect, said those who knew the pair, there were plenty.

They described boys who got high grades, who shone in creative writing and video classes, who came from seemingly stable families – but whose fascination with racism and violence was increasingly obvious.

Zack Heckler and Dylan Klebold became friends when both were freshmen at Columbine. Over that time, Heckler watched his son’s buddy evolve from “a very shy kid” into a 6-foot-3 youth who wore black military-style clothing under a long coat, and who let his friendship with Zack slide in favor of a new group calling themselves the Trench Coat Mafia, after the long dark coats they wore.

The Hecklers started hearing more about a boy named Eric Harris, who bragged about building pipe bombs and detonating them in a field outside their upscale housing development. Klebold was spending more time with Harris, less with Zack.

Andrew Robinson, 17, has known Klebold since the two were in eighth grade. “I knew they liked guns and stuff and that they were into fire,” Robinson said, noting that he’d seen at least two or three videos the youths had made depicting explosions and fires. “They’d light stuff on fire and film it. What kid isn’t into strange stuff?”

Last year, authorities said, the two youths were arrested for breaking into a car; they completed their probation earlier this year. Aside from that, people who knew the families said that outwardly, there was no hint of trouble with the boys.

“There were no wild parties, no crazy antics,” said Jody Fattore, 37, who lives across the street from the Harrises. “No clue.”

Neighbors said that Harris’ father is a retired military man and that there is an older brother who no longer lives at home.

Fattore said he frequently saw Klebold drive up to Harris’ house in his black BMW – the same car that police blew up in the school parking lot because it was booby-trapped with explosives.

Mark Heckler said that over the years, he and his wife had become friends with Klebold’s parents. Because of that friendship, he refused to discuss them further.

Yesterday, the Klebold family – as did the Harrises – released a statement sending their prayers and apologies to the victims and their families. “Just like the rest of the country,” the Klebolds wrote, “we’re struggling to understand why this happened.”

Heckler said that, for some time, he had noticed that Dylan Klebold was becoming different.

“We watched the change in Dylan,” he said. ``He came around less and less.“

And yet: “When he came to visit us, he’d take the trench coat off and leave it in the car.”

It was almost as though a persona went along with the trench coats, one that was more apparent in school, where other students said Klebold and Harris wore the distinctive garb no matter what the weather.

Matt Good, 16, who lived two doors down from Harris, said his neighbor was always friendly when they saw each other in their cul-de-sac of split-level homes. But in school, Harris flaunted Nazi insignia, taunted black students with racial slurs, and traded German phrases with Klebold.

The two appeared to have adopted a hybrid style that incorporated elements of Goth – involving black clothing and makeup – and neo-Nazism. That sort of blend isn’t unusual, said Brian Levin, a professor at Stockton University in South Jersey who studies hate groups.

“This is really the new face of terrorism,” he said. ``They’re younger. They make their own ideology.“

Harris and Klebold attacked the school on April 20, a day that is significant on two levels. “They knew it was Hitler’s birthday,” said Erik Veik, 16, who had a video production class with the youths.

But the date, 4-20, also is known by marijuana users as the legal designation for a drug charge. “Is [the significance] the penal code or Hitler’s birthday? We’ll never know,” Levin said.

“What’s more interesting here is that these fellows were into rebellion and revenge … and what better way to affirm yourself at the top of a subculture than by doing the most rebellious thing you can against society and, at the same time, getting back at the people you don’t like?”

In this case, said Good, that meant jocks and minorities.

“They’d say things like, `Oh, the jocks think they’re so cool. They run this school,’ ” said Good. And, he said, they would make racist remarks to the school’s few minority-group students.

The antagonism was mutual.

Mike Smith, 18, a senior, was the point guard of the school’s state-championship basketball team and is on the track team. He is also one of about a half-dozen African American students among Columbine’s 1,800 students.

“They were ones you’d make fun of,” he said of the Trench Coat Mafia.

“Sometimes it’d be me calling them names. It was like fun and games,” said Smith. The basketball player, his hair dyed blond, yesterday wore a Perry Ellis sweatsuit, silver chains and jewelry, and a diamond stud in his left ear. On the left lapel of his sweatsuit jacket, he displayed a silver ribbon in remembrance of the victims.

He said he and the other jocks would pick on the “mafia” members, egging them on with jibes of “gay,” or “inbreed.”

Harris and Klebold would respond in German, he said. “They’d talk back to us in another language and we’d just laugh.”

The tensions between the two groups came to a head at the end of the last school year. For several weeks, Smith said, the two groups fought almost daily after school.

“It was like, `OK, we’ll meet you here and we’ll meet you there and get it all over with,’ ” he said. He said school officials knew about the fights but did little to stop them.

“ `Boys will be boys, just cut it out,’ that’s what we heard,” he said. “Here, the teams are so good that if you’re an athlete, you’re not going to get suspended unless you do something really bad.”

At times in the past, he had shrugged off the disputes. But yesterday, he felt guilty.

“Sometimes,” he added, gesturing at the school over his shoulder, “I think it’s because of me.”

Likewise, others searched their memories of contact with Klebold and Harris for any sign that the rampage was imminent.

The night before the slayings, Klebold and Zack Heckler spoke on the phone, as they did nearly nightly, despite their waning friendship, said Zack’s father.

“But Dylan said, `Zack, I’m kinda tired,’ and then he hung up,” said Mike Heckler. “Now, I put two and two together after this chaos … and I think Dylan was trying to protect Zack.”

His son never saw Klebold the day of the shooting, he said. “But when we heard trench coat and when we heard pipe bombs, Zack knew who it was.”

On the morning of the shooting, Jessica Rosencrans showed up at Columbine at 6:15 for bowling class, a senior elective. As always, Eric Harris was there.

“He seemed perfectly normal,” she said of the boy who less than six hours later would help gun down 13 of her fellow students.

Erik Veik, who was in the video class with the two youths, said he helped them produce a video that has since been turned over to police. He would not discuss its contents.

“If that video were seen now, it would be disastrous,” he said. But he remains mystified as to the killers’ motives.

“The first thing I thought was, `Eric and Dylan, why did you do this?’ ” he said. “They did something that will never leave the hearts and minds of people in the school.”

source

Hypnosis place – It is a sky – with one large cloud, & sort of a cloud-made chair – the sun is at the head of the chair … 10 o’clock up into the sky … Below, I sometimes see myself, & the green (forest green) earth – sorta a city, yet I hear nothing. I relax on this chair – actually like a chaise – & I am talking … to what? I don’t know – it’s just there, I have the feeling that I know him, even though I consciously don’t … & we talk like we are the same person – like he’s my soul.

— Dylan Klebold

h4le-bopp:

“The Lost Highway sounds like a movie about me …”
Dylan Klebold

Actually, there are some interesting parallels between Dylan Klebold’s way of feeling and experiencing the world and the movie Lost Highway.
For example there are several parts in his journal, where he mentions a feeling of being cut out from his real self. This goes so far, that Dylan does not identify with his name anymore, contrary to the general idea of a changed personality: “I’m X and although I once was 5 years old and now I changed, I’m still X”.
Dylan, however, wrote: “wonder how/when I got so fucked up w my mind, existence, problem – when Dylan Benet (sic!) Klebold got covered up by this entity containing Dylan’s body …”
A few lines later he wrote: “I lack the true human nature that Dylan owned & they lack the overdeveloped mind/imagination/knowledge too”.
The movie Lost Highway is about the Jazz musician Fred Madison who, after murdering his wife, gets sentenced to death. During one night in prison, he experiences strange headaches and possible hallucinations. When the warders visit his cell the next morning, they find a completely changed person- Pete Dayton, a young man without any ties to Fred Madison. Although this may already seem like a similarity, there are things at odds. In the movie, Fred’s transformation to Pete Dayton is a positive for him. While Fred Madison can’t sexually satisfy his wife and suspects her of having an affair, Pete Dayton is a young, sexually active man who starts an affair with a woman who is married (actually the woman is a transformed version of Fred Madison’s wife, while her husband is a transformed version of the man who is having an affair with Fred Madison’s wife). Yet when Dylan writes about his new personality, it sounds like he judges it in a negative way. So, besides the topic of transformation, is there a similarity?
Maybe it will be helpful, if we add some other ideas, Dylan had about himself to the story. Not only wrote Dylan about being not Dylan anymore, but also about being godlike or a god. So while he complained about lacking the human nature of Dylan, he also raved about his mind making him a god. It also appears interesting, that Dylan notes the “true human nature” of his former self as positive, since in several other entries he mentions his humanity as something that causes him to suffer.
Maybe, there was more than one transformation. Or maybe there was only one transformation, but Dylan had very mixed feelings towards it.
So if Dylan was stopping being Dylan and starting being the god of sadness; how we can put that into a context with what is happening to Fred Madison in Lost Highway?
I think there are two elements in this story: the godliness of the mind and getting dominance & revenge. Fred Madison turns into Pete Dayton, meets his own wife in a transformed form, meets the mystery man and at the end of the movie gives his former self secret messages, he is- summing it up- distorting reality. He changes reality due his needs; even he does not always reach what he is longing for.
Dylan constantly wrote about different realities, other dimensions etc. and apparently believed that he could reach them through his mind. Dylan saw himself as a god, because he had wisdom about these other dimensions, because he was going through a transformation, because he was- summing it up- distorting reality. He did not change the actual reality of his life, but he was able of floating into other realities, where the circumstances were better than in his daily life. Additionally, he met the girl of his dreams in these realities, just as Pete Dayton is able win the love of the same woman, Fred Madison looses in his reality.
Shortly before the attack, Dylan wrote a school essay about a man who commits mass murder. The man in the story is tall, left-handed and wears a black treanchcoat. It is not unrealistic to conclude, that Dylan was writing about himself. Yet, Dylan also appears to write about himself, when he describes the feelings of the observer towards the end: “I was still, as he came my way again. He stopped, and gave me a look I will never forget. If I could face an emotion of god, it would have looked like the man. I not only saw in his face, but also felt emanating from him power, complacence, closure, and godliness. The man smiled, and in that instant, thru no endeavour of my own, I understood his actions.”
Other people already have guessed, that Dylan was both- the shooter AND the observer in this story. What gave Dylan the impression of power, complacence, closure, and godliness was his own ideal self; the godlike being he wanted to transform to. And besides the godliness of the mind, his school essay gives us another idea of what being god meant to him: power, dominance and revenge. And exactly that is, what Fred Madison reaches, when he turns into Pete Dayton. He becomes sexually active (what is a form of power and dominance in itself) and he gets the woman he wants. Also, in the second reality the woman is the girlfriend of the same guy, who has an affair with Fred Madison’s wife in the first reality. So, Pete Dayton’s romance with her is not only a form of winning back the love of his wife, it is also a form of revenge against his rival, just as the man in Dylan’s story is taking revenge against peers who apparently have wronged him in some way.
In the movie, Pete Dayton turns back into Fred Madison, as he realizes that even in his new self, he is not able to really win his love. Before the transformation takes place, Pete and the girl are having sex in the desert. When it’s over, the girl whispers into his ear “You will never get me” (translated from the German dubbing, the original wording may be different). As she walks away, we see that Pete Dayton is turned back into Fred Madison.
Having lost all his hope, Fred Madison resorts to the last opportunity, he thinks he has: violence. He kills the man who is having an affair with his wife.
Dylan also felt, that he was not able to win the love of his girl. And like Fred Madison, he resorted to violence. But there is a small difference: while in the movie Fred Madison is condemned to repeat his unpleasant experience over and over again, Dylan found a way out; a last opportunity to reach love- he choose death.

Interesting read! I’m amazed that you drew literal parallels between Dylan and Lost Highway. Commendable. 🙂 I’ve always sort of failed at doing that simply because the flick is your standard Lynch ‘distorted mirrored room funhouse’ affair – always nebulous, symbolic and leaves you to grope around in the dark and draw from it your own personal interpretations. I tend to think that for Dylan, on a personal level, it figuratively represented a sense of infinite damnation and no matter what skin he reincarnated into – whether it be selecting Door No. 1, 5 or 66 within his self described ‘Hallway of Existences’, it would always be the same brand of fail.

I feel that I am in eternal suffering, in infinite directions in infinite realities

In Lost Highway, the initial impotent has-been character gets caught for his supposed crime, and transforms into a potentially more successful persona. Yet, the end result is always the same: the doom of the reset button of a damnable existence. (Think, the most pessimistic version of the flick “Groundhogs Day”;) ) “The Lost Highway repeats”, and the direction the character finds himself in at the end, is once again, the very beginning of one endless, repeating downward spiral.

The Lofty Perspective of Dylan Klebold

“What’s bad – no girls (friends or girlfriends), no other friends except a few, nobody accepting me even though I want to be accepted, me doing badly & being intimidated in any & all sports, me looking weird & acting shy – BIG problem, me getting bad grades, having no ambition of life, that’s the big shit. Anyway …

THE LETTER THE GIRL WROTE TO MIKE JUDGE WAS ABOUT DYLAN.         

fuckyeahdylanklebold:

Read this girl’s story. Someone who says she knows the girl who wrote to Judge told the whole story and it’s even more heartbreaking. Although she gives us a shoutout and says it wasn’t Marla. 🙂

Not sure why we can’t get a first name at the very least? It wouldn’t be a first hearing about his goofy, offbeat sense of humor. Love the thought of that.
THE LETTER THE GIRL WROTE TO MIKE JUDGE WAS ABOUT DYLAN.         

20april1999:

I’d like to talk to you about your story before I give you a grade. You are an excellent writer/storyteller, but I have some problems with this one. 

A comment from Dylan’s teacher after he submitted a short story about a gunman who assassinates a group of college preps at a bar.

and he was an “excellent writer/storyteller” too. Very visually descriptive and mood setting.

a dream..


Miles & miles of never-ending grass like a wheat. A forest, sunshine, a happy feeling in the presence, _Absolutely_ nothing wrong, nothing ever is, contrary 180° to normal life. _No_ awareness, just pure bliss, unexplainable bliss, The only challenges are no challenges,
& then … BAM!!! realization sets in, the world is the greatest punishment. life.

—Dylan Klebold

Fuck me / Die me

The Many Goodbyes of Dylan Klebold (Part 2)

2 (poems) Fuck me / Die me

Soon I will be at peace I hope…

…wanna die and be free w/ my love…
if..she even exists.

If by fate’s choice, [redacted] didn’t love me, I’d slit my wrist and blow up atlanta strapped to my neck. It’s good, understanding a hard road since my realization, but it get’s easier. BUT IT DOESN’T! That’s part of existence. unpredictable. Existence is pure hell and pure heaven all the same time.

I will go away soon, but I just had to write this to you, the one I truly loved. Please, for my sake, don’t tell anybody, as it was only meant for you. Also, please don’t feel any guilt about my soon to be “absence” of this world. It is solely _my_ decision: nobody elses.

I want to go to a new existence you know what I mean (Suicide? _y_) I have nothing to live for and I won’t be able to survive in this world after this legal conviction. However, if it was true that you loved me as I do you,…I would find a way to survive. Anything to be with you.
I would enjoy life knowing that you loved me.

Well, I guess this is it — goodbye & I love(d) you.

This is probably my last entry. I love myself a close second to [redacted] my everlasting love. goodbye.

I hate this non-thinking stasis. I’m stuck in humanity. maybe Going NBK (gawd) w. eric is the way to break free.
i hate this. Love You.

(Part 1)


Goodbye…Sorry to everyone..I just can’t take it…

The Many Goodbyes of Dylan Klebold (Part 1)

Goodbye,
Sorry to everyone…
I just can’t take it…
all the thoughts…
too many…make my
head twist..
I must have happiness..
love, peace,
..goodbye..

I don’t fit in I’m thinking of suicide gives me hope, that I’ll be in my place wherever is after this life – that I’ll finally not be at war with myself, the world, the universe – my mind, body, everywhere, everything at PEACE – w/ me – my soul (existence)

That’s all for this topic…maybe I’ll never see this again…

oooh god, I want to die so bad…such a sad, desolate, lonely unsalvageable I feel I am…not fair NOT FAIR!!!

[redacted] can get me that gun I hope, I want to use it on a poor S.O.B.
I know..his name is vodka, dylan is his name too. What else can I do/give..

I hate everything, why can’t I die..not fair.

No emotions. not caring
yet another stage in this
shit life. suicide…
Dylan Klebold

Soon I will be at peace I hope…

Abandonment. this room sux..wanna die

————————————————————————————
“He had a lot of pain – he told me that,”
says his friend Sarah Slater, 16.

quityour-bitching:

Later she said, “I’ve had thousands of dreams about Dylan where I’m talking to him and trying to get him to tell me how he feels. I dreamed that I was getting him ready for bed, and I lifted up his shirt, and he was covered with cuts. And he was in all this pain, and I didn’t see it; it was hidden.” 

– Sue Klebold, Far From The Tree

Although his parents harbor some anger at the Klebolds and Harrises, Brooks Brown himself seems not to. In fact, six months after the killings, he says, Brown drove up to the Klebold home, in the wooded foothills outside Littleton. Dylan’s parents were there. Sue Klebold served Brown some strawberry shortcake. “I was chilling with Tom and Sue, and we talked about all the different lies the sheriff was telling, and Tom said, ‘You know who would be great to get out here? Michael Moore. Go on his Web site — it has his e-mail. I can’t do this because our lawyer won’t let us. But that would be awesome.’ I sent Michael Moore an e-mail and said, ‘I’m this kid from Columbine, you might have seen me on the news. I’d really like to talk to you for a couple of minutes and see if you’d want to come out and do a movie on Columbine.’ So Tom Klebold’s the reason ‘Bowling for Columbine’ happened.”

5 Year Anniversary Salon article