the-everything-frame-of-mind:

                                                                        7-23-97

                                                                    A changing time

                «-VoDkA-» ‘s Thoughts(z?)

                       The {Zach} situation

It is not good for me right now (like it ever is)…but anyway…My best friend ever: the friend who shared, experimented, laughed, took chances with & appreciated me more than any friend ever did has been ordained..”passed on”…in my book. Ever since {Devon} (who i wouldn’t mind killing) has loved him…that’s the only place he’s been: with her…If anyone had any idea how sad I am…I mean we were the TEAM. When him & I first were friends, well I finally find someone who was like me: who appreciated me & shared very common interests. Ever since 7th grade i’ve felt lonely…When {Zach} came around, I finally felt happiness (sometimes)…we did cigars, drinking, sabotage to houses, EVERYTHING for the first time together & now that he’s “moved on” i feel so lonely, w/o a friend. Oh well, maybe he’ll come around ——>….I hope. 

                                               That’s All…for this topic…maybe                                                                     i’ll never see this again

                                                             KiBBz(?)

                                                        «-VoDkA—»


Dylan & Zach Heckler

Dylan’s journal entry most likely about Zach. (Sorry if I screwed up any in my translated version.)

“Everything for the first time together”  how sweet 🙂

Great translation of Dyl speak. 😉

The seniors in our theatre troupe decided to produce a special video for Frankenstein.  Not only was it a farewell project for the drama students, it was a farewell to Mrs. Caruthers, who had been one of our favorite teachers over the past four years.

For the first part of the tape, we did interviews with the cast and crew about their favorite memories of Mrs. Caruthers.  We then added in footage from rehearsal, along with scenes from the movie Young Frankenstein.

Dylan,  Zach Heckler and I were the three people who did “commentary” for the tape.  The three of us sat down in the front row of the Columbine auditorium and set the camera down on the stage.  Our job was to review all of the people in the Frankenstein program and offer both compliments and “inside jokes” that only those involved in the department would understand.  Later we would inter-cut the footage with scenes from Young Frankenstein and show the finished version to other people in the drama club.

It was a lot of fun to make, and the camera caught a few moments of Dylan coming out of his quiet shell.  We went backwards through the program, reading each name and offering a few observations.  The first name Zach read off was Principal DeAngelis.

Dylan leaned in toward the camera. “Ha ha ha,” he said.

The three of us roasted each other as much as we could. Dylan, who had sat quietly through some of the early jokes, happily came out of his shell for ribbing on me.

Dylan gave special mention to the makeup crew. “Damn good job,“  he said.  “Brooks, you were ugly as shit. And that’s hard to beat, with the way you look normally.”

“I was uglier than I even am usually.” I agreed.

“Don’t get fire within twenty feet of the pants,”  Dylan warned, referring to my ‘Frankenstein monster” costume.  “There were about thirty different chemicals put into that.” (This was true, actually.  Dylan and I made the pants using an old pair of jeans that we soaked in gasoline and paint thinner to make them look as horrible as possible.  After the final performance, we took them out to a field and flicked a cigarette at them.  They immediately burst into flames.)

“Zach, how did this guy do on sound?” I asked, referring to Dylan.

“Oh, he sucked,” Zach replied.

Dylan threw his hands up. “Thank you!”

“And everybody was crying about it, because it was late,” Zach added.  Dylan hadn’t finished preparing the sound cues by Mrs. C’s original deadline.

“Yeah, yeah,” Dylan said. “I’d like to bring forth attention to this, actually – for three years now, I’ve been doing this job.  Just a guess here, but I think I know what I’m doing—“

“Okay, shut up,” I said.  We all laughed.

That was how the video went.  We picked out names, made a few good-natured jokes, then complimented the person and moved on.  We had especially kind words for Mrs. Caruthers, whom all three of us were going to miss.

“You’re losing your entire sound and light crew,” I said to the camera.  “This will be the last play we get to do with you.”

The three of us asked for bribes in exchange for passing along our knowledge to the next crop of students.  “Hey, Mrs. C, next Saturday – big ol’ party,” Dylan said. “Heineken, Miller… We need you.”  It was a running joke for theatre students to try and get Mrs. Caruthers to buy booze for us, because we knew she never would.

We offered our thanks to Mrs. Caruthers for her inspiration.  “From the people who have been working with you the longest, we want to say, very beautiful job with all the plays,” I said.

“Very well done,” Dylan added.  “All of these kids over the years – I don’t know how, but … you put the whole thing together.”

“You’ve taught us how to work on our own,” I said.  “We really did this play on our own, and it was fantastic.  And we owe it to you, Mrs. C.”

After the final performance that night, everyone from the show watched the video.  My mom took pictures.  There was Dylan, laughing and having a good time.  Just like everyone else.

–Brooks Brown, No Easy Answers, Chapter 9, Suburban Life


“People wil never know how far a little kindness can go.”
—Rachel Scott

One of the shooters, Dylan Klebold, had known Rachel Scott since kindergarten and had even been the sound tech for a talent show she performed in, in 1998. Ironically, when the sound broke down, it was Dylan who saved the performance by hooking up a reserve tape deck. Rachel had been performing a mime dance “Watch the Lamb" which portrayed Simon of Cyrene, who carried Jesus cross along part of the Via Dolorosa. That same mime dance was later performed behind her coffin during her funeral.

“I do shit to supposedly ‘cleanse’ myself in a spiritual, moral sort of way, yet it does nothing to help my life – mainly. My existence is shit to me – how I feel that I am in eternal suffering, in infinite directions in infinite realities.” —Dylan Klebold

It’s like I have this heavy heart and this burden upon my back but I don’t know what it is. There is something within me that makes me want to cry…and I don’t even know what it is.“
—Rachel Scott – April 20,1998

the-everything-frame-of-mind:

Dylan & his parents

By Dylan’s senior year, he had grown tall and thin. His hair was long and scraggly; under his baseball cap, it stuck out like a clown wig. He’d been accepted at four colleges and had decided to go to the University of Arizona, but he’d never regained his love of learning. He was quiet. He grew irritated when we critiqued his driving, asked him to help around the house, or suggested that he get a haircut. In the last few months of senior year, he was pensive, as if he were thinking about the challenges of growing older. One day in April I said, “You seem so quiet lately—are you okay?“ He said he was “just tired.” Another time I asked if he wanted to talk about going away to college. I told him that if he didn’t feel ready, he could stay home and go to a community college. He said, “I definitely want to go away.“ If that was a reference to anything more than leaving home for college, it never occurred to me. ………

Seeing pictures of the devastation and the weeping survivors was more than I could bear. I avoided all news coverage in order to function. I was obsessed with thoughts of the innocent children and the teacher who suffered because of Dylan’s cruelty. I grieved for the other families, even though we had never met. Some had lost loved ones, while others were coping with severe, debilitating injuries and psychological trauma. It was impossible to believe that someone I had raised could cause so much suffering. The discovery that it could have been worse—that if their plan had worked, Dylan and Eric would have blown up the whole school—only increased the agony. ….

For the rest of my life, I will be haunted by the horror and anguish Dylan caused. I cannot look at a child in a grocery store or on the street without thinking about how my son’s schoolmates spent the last moments of their lives. Dylan changed everything I believed about my self, about God, about family, and about love. I think I believed that if I loved someone as deeply as I loved him, I would know if he were in trouble. My maternal instincts would keep him safe. But I didn’t know. And my instincts weren’t enough. And the fact that I never saw tragedy coming is still almost inconceivable to me. I only hope my story can help those who can still be helped. I hope that, by reading of my experience, someone will see what I missed.”

—-Sue Klebold (excerpts from “I Will Never Know Why" O Magazine Nov. 2009)

“He was hopeless. We didn’t realize it until after the end.“—-Tom Klebold from http://www.nytimes.com/2004/05/15/opinion/columbine-parents-of-a-killer.html