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Hello I have a doubt and I hope I can clarify it, in his diary Dylan says he has received the open-hearted looks of the girl he was in love with, does that mean she was looking at him? She knew that he existed ?, maybe she might have attracted him and he never knew, basically I thought I did not understand it well but my English is not very advanced and it is what I have understood from the scriptures, I am really confused, and I thank you for the patience you will have to answer me

Dylan writes:

“Anyway, you have noticed me a few times, I catch every one of these gazes with an open heart. I think you know who I am by now.”

Dylan means to say that he is receiving her glances in his direction with an open heart. Sadly, this does not necessarily at all mean that ‘she’ knew him as ‘Dylan’ let alone as a person she noticed on campus.  And even if they had ‘been together in a report’ in first semester (with just him or a team collaboration? we don’t know the specifics), it may me it was one brief class project and he didn’t really register or ‘click’ for her to remember him or his name.  He may have just been one of many kids in the class and he was probably quiet during the report.  But in his mind, working with her was everything to him.  

He took great notice of her and drinks in the sound of her laughter. So, when Dylan sees her in the hall during 5th period in second semester, and her eyes meet his in a kind of fleeting, unconscious, unknowing glance back in his direction ‘a few times’, to Dylan, he is hoping she will really and truly ‘notice him’ and he is entranced by these brief exchanges between them, it gives him hope.He is hopeful..in his futile fantasies – in receiving their momentary visual exchange with an open heart. Perhaps even saying a little mantra to himself in his mind  ‘see me; I love you’.   In sending out these signals, he hopes that she will eventually ‘know who he is by now’.

If we can believe what his mother said, that this girl he pined for didn’t know Dylan at all, it would make sense when he opens his suicidal-love letter with this: 

“You don’t consciously know who I am, & doubtedly unconsciously too.”

In Dylan-speak, without all the long-winded, flourishy prose:   ‘Not only do you not know me consciously as a person your subconscious doesn’t even know me’ .  Basically,  I don’t even register to you in this world on any level of acknowledgement as a person.

He truly sees her; she sees him but is totally unaware that he sees her.

what were the boys opinion on weed?? did they ever smoke together, and if they did smoke, who smoked more??

They liked to smoke weed and they did it if/when they could.  But during 1998, they couldn’t do it much, if at all, being in the diversion program. They got alcohol and drug tested regularly. They weren’t pot heads by any means. Mm..I couldn’t really say that one smoked it more than the other..probably about equal as it would be something that’d do together.  Dylan probably got more of a buzz than Eric though because he actually inhaled intentionally. I can see Eric not wanting to go all the way with it just like with cigarette smoking. Rebby didn’t like to lose too much control. See more here.,

난 지금 매우 매우 중요한 일입니다 그 전에 손금이랑 잘 자요 오빠 잘 생겼어요 오빠 잘 자용 오빠 잘 자요 오야 사랑해 타사 그 전에 일단 제가 버스를 타고 동물원에 보내게 될 수도 있다 잘 자요 오야 오빠 오빠 보고 싶어 졌다 잘 할 자신 있어 하는 마지막 공연 아침에는 보통 이런 것은 좀 봐 주세여 엉엉 오빠 보고 싶어 졌다 과거 다크 크로우 시절이 떠오르는데 그 방탄소넌단 헛돌려고

Google Translate says………..

I am very very important now. Before I go to sleep, I have a good time. I have good hands. My brother. Good night. Good night. Good night. Good night. Oh, I love you. Third time ago, I might get on the bus and go to the zoo. Good night. Last performance I got myself I usually look at this kind of thing in the morning I want to see my brother in the dark I remember the days of the dark crow,

Hmmkay….Interesting thought of the day. lol

Would you by chance know why Corey DePooter and Rachel are burried right next to each other?

I think it was by happenstance that these two families chose to bury their child there for whatever their own personal reasons. Perhaps they felt it was an appropriate place next to all of the crosses of those that died at Columbine. I think they were buried next to each just because of the way it is laid out..just made sense. Dave Sanders is buried there as well. It is a beautiful little section at the very back of a vast cemetery, and I had a tiny but profound, personal spiritual experience there myself while I was paying my respects.

I know I’m captain obvious over here but Dyl is making me cry like he just makes me feel so sad all the time and so does Eric and at times they make me feel angry.

My advice is that when it gets to that point of emotional saturation where the line bleeds between yourself and the boys, it’s simply time to take a break from all of this: take the time to step back from Columbine and the tag and do some self care.  Get off the computer, go take a walk, write in your journal, mediate, go see a movie, read a book and begin to some ‘me’ time back into your life. Yes, there is a life outside of Columbine – YOUR life. Don’t neglect it.  Recognizing the anger and sadness in those boys as your own can become a dangerous, dark dance especially if you are spending so much time in their minds that they begin to bleed into your own.  Feeling empathy for the boys is an important part of the process of working through Columbine – for whatever personal reasons brought you to them..but remember that though we feel deeply for those two, we are NOT them. Don’t carry on the burden of their sad and dark feelings for them..they wouldn’t want you to. They are a lesson to learn from not to follow on into their trap of despair. Always make sure to take good care of yourself and put yourself first!  I’ve spoken about this before here.

would dylan like a girl that is opposite of him? brown hair instead of blonde. brown eyes instead of blue. but is extroverted at times but also introverted.

Dylan might like a girl that looked like him and was like him just as much as he might like a girl that is a contrasting opposite to him. Your guess is as good as mine with hypothetical questions like this.  At the end of the day, Dylan would’ve liked a friendly, caring girl liking him back. I don’t know about these types of specific, hypothetical question anymore, tbh…

I think Eric would never have spared Brandi. Come on, after she said no he thought that she was another bitch. And with the bomb they were expecting to kill a lot of people including their own friends. So Brandi wasn’t a big deal for him.

I think that’s what I was inferring in the previous post. 😉   Brandi would’ve just been that icing-on-he-cake, easy target among the many others blown to kingdom come. Her rejection of him would’ve been her death sentence had he run into her under a library table.

Why do you say Dylan is 6’3 while he was measured 6’2.5 at the autopsy

Tom asked him if they were giving him a hard time, and Dylan answered with
confidence: “They don’t bother me. I’m six four. But they sure give Eric hell.”

Well, why does Dylan say he’s 6′4 if he measured 6′2.5 at the autopsy?  

Honestly, I think arguing a half inch borders on nit picky. Dylan imagined himself closer to 6′4 but I believe 6′3 is a realistic height measurement of the dude while alive and standing up to his full height on his own rather than being a relaxed, lifeless, blood pooled corpse measured out upon a morgue table. Half an inch measure will vary in that regard. 6′2 ½ or 6′3, you’re free to choose which you prefer. *shrugs*

How many ask to you usually get? I sent in an ask but I am not sure if you hsve tons of other messages so its taking a little while to get it, if you deleted it or if it never actually sent :o Halp?

To give you an idea.. I have 202 asks as of this morning..and that is on the low end.  So, nothing personal. I really just can’t answer everyone.

As a mater of fact, I may just purge all of them today and start with a clean slate. 🙂 .