Dylan was desperately in love at times, but he felt unable to pursue the girls he had feeling for and was convinced that he could never be loved. He had no direction in life and found no meaning in anything he did, despite graduating and being accepted to the college of his choice.
He was arrested and saw himself as a criminal ; he wrote that the thought of going to court made him want to kill himself. He was hopeless, depressed and full of frustration and rage. He was suicidal for a long time, and eventually became homicidal too.

Peter Langman “Why kids kill – inside the mind of school shooters”

(via peoplearesounaware)

Do you think if dylan had come across the one he loved in the shooting, he would of let her go?

If Dylan came face-to-face with the girl he was secretly in love with during NBK, he would’ve…..yes, let her go.

As Dylan mentioned in his draft version of the love letter in his journal:

”..if you tell me to leave you alone, I will. I like you [redacted], but I won’t force that ever.”

Granted, this is not quite a comparable situation. 😉 But in a way, it is. It speaks volumes of Dylan’s code of conduct with his Object of his Affections. Dylan wouldn’t have selfishly forced the situation if he ran into ‘his love’. Ultimately, he wanted the girl that he put on a pedestal to return his love of her own voalition. In his imagination, he thought of she and him both wanting the same things equally and that they as partners would be willing to end their suffering, loneliness and misery by ending their lives together. If Dylan had the misfortune of running into this girl during the massacre – and it would be very tormenting for him to have that happen – it would have put him in a predicament he wasn’t quite prepared for. For one thing, in theory, he had not sent her that love letter so she wouldn’t have even know that he had these devoted feelings for her. She would’ve met his gaze with a look of shocked recognition in her eyes that would’ve silently pleaded “Dylan?? What are you doing?!” I tend to think Dylan would have lost his nerve in that moment.

During the massacre, he ran into Tim Kastle between the ceiling boards of the Common’s kitchen area and what did he do? He signaled silently for Tim to leave as they were staring at each other for a couple of seconds from across a distance. But this wouldn’t just be a friend of his like Tim was, this would’ve been the supposed girl of his dreams looking back at him fearfully,. in a way that ultimately would’ve been understood as rejection of him. I do not believe he would’ve taken it upon himself to act selfishly in that moment and put his desire to have her with him in death, to force her to go with him. I think he could not be happy with himself in leaving this world, into the Halcyons, knowing that he had forced her against her will to die and she, in that moment, did want to give up her existence for him of her own accord. If he had forced her to die, he would likely have ended his own life in a very miserable way immediately thereafter, abandoning NBK with Eric.

So, yes, I think Dylan would’ve let her go. Dylan understood that that he couldn’t force a love, he wanted his girl to be willingly his. True love could only be genuine in this way. As Fate decreed, he would die on his own at the end of Judgment Day and wait for the love that was to be his on the other side.

“I will be free one day, in the land of purity and my happiness, I will have a love, someone who is me in a way. Someday… Possibly thru this life, maybe another, but it will happen”

"As I look for love, I feel I can never find it. ever. but something tells me I will. someday. somewhere.As my love will find me, She feels as I do right now, I can feel it, she will be inseparable, Her & I. Whether it is [redacted] or not, I think I’ll find it.”

I’ll be here just waiting for you
I’ll be under your stars forever
Neither here nor there just right beside you
I’ll be under the stairs forever
Neither here nor there just right beside you

— Smashing Pumpkins – Beautiful

One day, he [Dylan] and I got into a fight on the playground. He said something that made me mad, so I pushed him. Just like that, he jumped on me and started punching; we rolled around, locked together, until the teachers peeled us apart and sent us to the principal’s office. That was the first time I ever saw Dylan’s temper. Because Dylan internalized things so much, he would let his anger build up within him until one little thing finally set it off. When that happened, it was like an explosion.

No Easy Answers: The Truth Behind Death at Columbine by Brooks Brown (via marleficent)

hey I love your blog aha. so okay. lets say eric or dylan had a girlfriend, and the boys still wanted to do the NBK thing they were planning (and the girl friend is okay and with the plan). in you’re opinion do you think the girl would have done it with them or if she didn’t, would she have killed her self during their attack? or maybe would have fled knowing she would be in trouble?

Aw, well thanks. 🙂 Well, first, I think if either of the boys managed to acquire a serious girlfriend it would’ve upset their dynamic and would’ve thrown a monkey wrench in their NBK plans. Dylan said himself in his unsent love letter: “However, if it was true that you loved me as I do you … I would find a way to survive. Anything to be with you. I would enjoy life knowing that you loved me.” And we know in that small amount of time that Eric spent with Susan Dewitt two days prior to NBK, he could see a glimmer of a possibility with a girl like her – but unfortunately, since NBK was on the horizon, he said to her in the Basement tapes: “Susan, sorry. Under different circumstances it would’ve been a lot different”. I think part of the reason why the two moved forward with NBK was because there was never a girl for either of them that panned out in time, early on enough, to give them good enough reason to desist with their plot.

Whether ‘the girl’ was ok or not ok with NBK really just depends on the sort of girl they met, I suppose? Your scenarios are pretty specific but not.. entirely realistic? 🙂 I tend to think that most girls are probably not interested in going NBK – most especially if they’ve just met a dude that gives them butterflies in their stomach in a warm, fuzzy way. 🙂 I don’t really see them going "no, really? you want to shoot up your school too? like, wow, that’s what I want to do for future career plans too!” I would guess that would be the case for either boys as well, most especially Dylan. He would be nervous as hell about going out on dates with that new girl but at the same time, high on life at that point. Buzzed, in fact. And Eric would’ve been distracted with a girl’s full on attention and she might just have a calming effect on his temperament. This was the case with their friend Chris Morris, who in his first two years in school had acquired a nasty reputation of having a violent, angry disposition but then met Nicole Markham in his junior year – and said himself in the 11k – that he started to mellow out because he had begun to care for his girlfriend in a serious way. Same with Zach Heckler meeting Devon; he began to pull out of depression and focus on a future. One little good thing could’ve happened to change the course of their destiny.

Of course, I’m not suggesting that having a girlfriend would’ve been the answer to solve all their problems, certainly not – just that the distraction of having a someone in their lives would’ve lessened their momentum and focus on NBK. Having a girlfriend genuinely interested in them would’ve boosted their egos and given them some meaning and reason to continue living their lives to see what happens next – to enjoy the female attention focus on themselves, someone to listen to them, to share interests and, well..to get laid. 😉 As for a certain sort of girl wanting to go NBK with them, well, for Dylan, that was was only a fantasy scenario he held in his mind. The chances of either boys finding an actual girl wanting the same nihilistic plans they did, at the very same time, would’ve been an unlikely ‘perfect storm’. The odds of that would’ve been, well, slim to nun. 😉 I think three would likely have been a crowd, too. The dynamic between two boys worked well, possibly three boys, maaaybe, but even that changes dynamics – but in adding a female in the mix, I think it would throw the whole balance off completely. That third wheel type thing would be going on where two of them would be closer and one of the dudes would be odd man out. Nope.

I can’t really answer some of the hypotheticals you give because I don’t really see either of the two finding a girlfriend and still being on the same page with plans for NBK. It makes for good fanfiction :), but in reality, I think the boys wanted to find reasons to live and because none came in enough time, NBK was that train moving full speed ahead.

I am blind due to an accident and use a text reader. I keep listening to things about Columbine but have never seen a picture of the perpetrators. Was Dylan cute? Can you describe his looks to me? He sounds very beautiful inside.

Suuuure.. I’ll help you – er, ah.. humor you (and the rest of us, btw.). 😉 Toweringly tall, rangy, lanky, long-legged, dark blonde, wavy-haired, lion’s mane dude with an amazing trademark chin and jawline – broad, masculine proboscis, winter-blue eyes and..incredibly, mesmerizingly flawless hands with long, dextrous, spidery fingers. Hmm..now does this sound ‘cute’ to you? If not, you may be ‘blind’ in ways that are impossible for me to help. 😉 Ultimately though, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. :-J

You know that picture where eric & dylan are shooting out the window at the cops , there’s smoke & people say that they can see eric & dylan it the window but it was cleared up that it wasn’t them. Do you think that she shadows are the spirits of the victims that they had just killed in the library? I dont know why but I feel like they are..

No, I think that what people are seeing or interpreting is not spirit of the victims – but instead, they are “matrixing" shapes by way of the smoke and distortion of objects through the windows   

That said, there is one clip that has always stood out as potentially.. interesting to me.  In the video clip below, you can see some unusual white formation rapidly gliding by the exposed, completely broken open portion of a window. It is a clear shot inside of the darkness of the library with no smoke or distortion in sight.  This formation travels from right-to-left of the lampshade in a fleeting manner. It appears small in height and looks almost translucent. This footage was filmed after the massacre was over and a couple of hours after the boys committed suicide.  The ‘time stamp clue’ is the smeared blood stain on the side of the window which would place this being filmed sometime after 2:30 pm, when Patrick Ireland hurdled himself out of the window and his foot hit the glass leaving a smattering print of blood there [1.27].

The movement by the lamp is intriguing because of the fashion that the wispy bit seems to glide rapidly right by. It is conceivably, rationally possible that the SWAT team was already up there checking out the crime scene – on the other hand – the wispy thing does not appear to look or move much the way a solid human form would scouting out the area. Could it be smoke hours afterward? I tend to think not because of how concentrated and uniform this foggy blip is. Given the strange way that ‘it’ moves, seems to suggest that it could potentially be ethereal spirit energy.  The victims?  The Boys? Residual imprinted energies after a traumatic event? Possibly.  It could be any number of things, really, but I do feel it’s..curious. Of course, if anyone thinks they know what this is, I would be interested to hear your take.. 😉

Review: The Killers’ Point of View – The Erlkings

Everyone loves a hero. Stories about protagonists are a staple in our society. Whether they are real or fictional, every hero needs a villain. And every protagonist needs an antagonist. Rarely do we see stories where the antagonist is the main character in the literary sense. But often when the antagonist does become the focal point, their origin story will shed a light into what made them the villain they are. In the extremely tough to swallow The Erlkings, two of America’s greatest monsters, Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold, are given a massive spotlight into the lead up before the infamous massacre at Columbine High School.

Using papers, essays, journals, and the like of the two notorious murderers, The Erlkings is a series of vignettes that lead up to the tragic April day in 1999. Written by Nathaniel Sam Shapiro, The Erlkings thrust Harris and Klebold front and center and attempt to reveal the truths to their actions. While The Erklings may seem like an original, it is not the first big budget Columbine inspired play. Shapiro used the same exact source material that also inspired the stronger columbinus, written by Stephen Karam and PJ Paparelli. With an already established piece, comparisons must be made, and unfortunately for Shapiro and The Erlkings team, Karem and Paparelli did a masterful job and did it better. Both scripts rely on similar source material and short scenes in a theatrical manner. Both scripts call upon props dropping from the sky that are integral to the world of the play. But both pieces though call upon a different set of emotions. columbinus tugs at your heart. The Erlkings may do nothing but make you angry. This is not the first time murderers have been given the theater treatment. In fact Stephen Sondheim wrote an entire musical about President killers. While Assassins was also a killer showcase, the approach was ridiculously different. Sondheim and book writer John Weidman theatricalize the individuals, with the great aid of music and character. Shapiro brings us the real deal. And layered in some uncomfortable laughs. Using any ounce of humor in an incredibly dark and harrowing time of our history was a poor decision. The moments felt forced and tasteless. Sure, heavy material should have moments of light but with this subject, it doesn’t exist. Comparisons aside, the way Shapiro established his script, rather than allowing the characters to act and speak naturally, he forced them to establish the source where the following monologue was derived from almost as if to allow the audience to know these horrifying passages were not his words.

Em Grosland and James Scully had an incredibly difficult task in giving life to Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold respectively. The emotional journeys both actors gave to their stage counterparts were present. Grosland and Scully tapped into their stage counterparts so well it was scary. Had they not been forced to establish every single monologue, you may have not been able to tell actor from character. The five person supporting company had very little to do but support and move furniture, but Matthew Bretschneider strayed from the pack and gave an incredible performance in his varied roles.
Director Saheem Ali employed extraordinary stagecraft into this production. The Brechtian nature of his staging, with props and costumes and actors all present throughout, was an incredible device. The lighting design by Katy Atwell was stunning. The costumes by Lux Haac were fitting. The set by Doss Freel was simple, despite the seemingly borrowed dropping device. Despite all this, where Ali failed was separating reality from theatricality. Because Grosland and Scully portrayed their roles so well, you knew the endgame and hated them, garnering no potential empathy as characters. Going in, the audience knows the material is going to be dramatic, but Ali’s pre-show of lunch room bullying was too heavy. To the point where the audience was terrified to go about their own pre-show business.

Shapiro in his author’s note makes it very clear that his intention is to inform and open our minds to understand Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold. Even in the piece, one of Eric’s notes says not to blame anyone but them, yet the question of the piece begs can we truly forgive them and every single person who did in fact miss the signs. Shapiro makes the case that their actions are in fact human. That may be true, regardless, our hearts may still feel otherwise. Fifteen years may still be too soon to humanize the duo. The Erlkings is nothing short of ambitious. Unfortunately, the approach is far too polarizing. Controversy may not always be the worst thing in the arts. It gets people talking. And every single audience member was talking when the house lights rose.

Source

Do you know if Dylan smoked weed ? I have never read anything about it. I pictured him doing so and it made me smile.

That’d be a yes. 🙂 He smoked weed on occasion, socially with his friends at their houses, parties and even snuck some hits at the smokers pit with Eric and others hanging out for a fix. I tend to think he looked at indulging in weed as something to be a bit more mindful of engaging in regularly, compared to drinking, because of the fact that his brother had a drug problem. From what he wrote in his Diversion File, Dylan seems to have consciously decided/chosen not to follow in Bryon’s footsteps probably from seeing all the stress and upset it caused at home – enough that his parents kicked his brother out of the house. He didn’t like what drugs, in general, did to Byron so he knew he didn’t want that for himself. Given that Dylan was shy and tentative around people he didn’t know too well, I’m sure the occasional toke helped him relax and be a bit less inhibited in social situations. He probably felt waaay more mellowed out and at peace with that goofy, wide grin spread across his face, telling jokes and oh, those blurred eyes behind the shades. Chill Dyl in a state of bliss. 🙂

I read that just after Eric shot Kelly Flemming, he walked to another table where 2 girls were hiding under, then looked under it and called them pathetic and then walked off to carry on killing others. Why didn’t he shoot the 2 girls? Do you think he & dylan felt bad about killing girls?

Eric and Dylan didn’t have a goal to kill everyone in their sights. That was supposed to be the bombs job.  When Plan A failed, the boys improvised and played russian roulette with students who had the misfortune to be on the receiving end of their trigger.  Some they randomly killed and others they psychologically terrorized with mocking comments, leaving the student behind to wonder if at any moment, they, too, would be next to die. Eric was embodying his own brand of “Natural Selection”, picking off only some while leaving others to survive as he did with the girls at those two tables. Think of it a bit like Eric being like a tornado weaving a path of destruction in it’s desultory wake or like the Black Plague wiping out some while ignoring others. The goal for the boys wasn’t quantity of body count but damage, destruction and leaving those that managed to survivor their wrath with permanent flashbacks for years to come. Ultimate power to have the say arbitrarily who would live or who would die on their whim. I don’t think that Eric wavered about the two girls because plenty of girls were terrorized and two were killed in that area and there were also girls in other areas that got wounded. Plus, Eric shot Cassie face-to-face which doesn’t really demonstrate a case for hesitation. So, it was completely random acts of unkindness.

This post will be deleted after a couple of days.

I know you said there are claims that Brooks likes to bend the truth a bit. Do you think he lied at all in his book?

I tend to think that Brooks embellishes in his book from time-to-time to underscore the point as to about how rampant bullying could be at Columbine.  He’s not out-and-out lying but it’s, mm.maybe a bit more like his own skewed spin on situations and events?  A slight distortion of truths, colored by the fact that he was not part of the favored, ‘successful’ students and that he detested the dysfunctional way their high school system ran.  His book basically is all about rooting for the underdog, himself included, and the extreme revolt that occurred by way of his own friends and linking the school as playing a part in why it happened.  I don’t think he’d write a book with blatant lies given the fact that his parents, brother, friends and acquaintances would also be reading it and it would not be a very good publicly permanent reflection on himself. It’s bad enough when students volunteered in the 11K that ‘one shouldn’t take Brooks Brown at face value’..in a professionally published book, however, I think it’s essentially the straight and narrow truth..well, according to his perception.

Do you think dylan supported gays/lesbians/bisexuals? Brooks brown said Dylan might be bisexual.

I think using the word “support” is a bit too proactive a word for Dylan? Honestly, I don’t think he really spent any time considering sexual rights let alone having passionate opinions about them. If anything, among his peers, especially his guy friends, it would be the standard dude thing to downplay any personal stance on that risky topic. On a personal level, within his own family, Dylan was probably more easy going rather than prejudice about that sort of thing if not meh about it based on his growing up in an environment with liberal parents. He might have even said he was in agreement with his parents on the gay rights issues. That would not surprise me considering that his mother said that he was malleable and could be persuaded to see others’ points of view. He was just being agreeable because it was the easiest thing to do.

As for Brooks’ claim, who knows what he’s even basing that conclusion about Dylan off of? Did he make assumptions simply because Dylan never had one single girlfriend in high school all the way up to his senior year or wasn’t interested romantically in Robyn Anderson? Brooks was socially outgoing and seriously dated around and Dylan, on the other hand, was very shy, introverted and..well, just not there yet with the dating thing. So, if that’s the case, it’s not really substantial, equitable logic on Brooks’ part. In addition to that, Brooks is not really thought of as a reliable source for the truth. In the 11K, quite a few people offer that he’s not to be trusted, often lies, embellishes things and is ‘an actor’.

Is it hypothetically possible that Dylan offered to Brooks that he was questioning his sexuality or might be bisexual but in what specific context? Kinda important. Do I think that Dylan would be hanging out with Brooks and then suddenly risk confessing something as painfully personal as.. “hey, man, I think I might be sexually confused..maybe even bisexual. what do you think?” I just do not see Dylan being comfortable enough to broach that topic with a guy friend, let alone Brooks who might be a blabber mouth. From what I’ve observed about Brooks in interviews and also in his stint on Tumblr, he tends to paint his two ex friends in a very minimizing, debasing manner whenever and however he can. i.e. (to paraphrase) “They died virgins” or “They’re worse than Napoleon Dynamite” By doing so, he gets to take jabs at them in a very public way and, of course, he’ll always have the last word as D & E are not here to defend themselves. In a way, I can’t blame him still wrestling over the heinous betrayal of his friends fifteen years later – but it simply means that what he has to say about Dylan or Eric is colored by his own personal grudge over them. Is Dylan bisexual? I would say there is really not enough evidence or specific anecdotes from other friends to support Brooks’ claim.

Now, Is it possible that Dylan was confused and doubtful about his own sexual identity simply based off the fact that he was unable to obtain a girlfriend in high school? Yes, that is plausible. Again, his own doubts about himself and his lack of confidence with girls doesn’t make him bisexual either. It’s normal teen self assessment stuff – especially for guys. He might be questioning because he lacks experience and self confidence to acquire any experience so he’s left to wonder about himself. If Dylan had his own doubts about sexual ambiguity, he probably wouldn’t divulge that these thoughts crossed his mind to anyone. We also know he didn’t feel it was worthy of downloading on the pages of his journal either. What he does mention in his journal appears to be thoughts about girls.