depressioners:

“The battle between good & bad never ends …”

Some afternoon symbolism spotted in the Colorado hills, own, 2015.

That is just STUNNING even more so than what you had mentioned to me.  The symbolic profundity of the Everlasting Contrast triple-bared cross echoing about Dyl’s surrounds has me floored in awe. *SHIVERS*   Surely, he must have been aware of them and may even have been inspired to change his original double bar Cross of Lorraine, adding that one extra slash down the middle in part due to these power lines around his home echoing his personal duality sentiment.   Beautiful..as the sun. 🙂 

To other anon i truly feel dylan was scarier because the amount of anger he he kept inside and his depression, yet he was always so happy on the outside. Also his voice in the library calls are so much more chilling.

In the respect that Dylan held everything inside himself, he was scarier not to mention that he had better, more booming, THX Dolby surround sound vocal projection than Eric. 😉  Dylan was letting everything go on 4/20 and you can hear it in his “Evveerrybody get up NOW.”  

Dylan was like a rubber band that was held back, held back, held back and held. back. until SNAP !, he let’s go and was giving the world hell back for the hell he felt it gave him. 

 “The lonely man strikes with ABSOLUTE rage.”

Do you think Eric was more mentally ill than Dylan?

It’s a bit like comparing apples to oranges. Eric knew he had problems and he was getting help for them but the steps taken to fix his mental illness was like putting a band-aid over it. The meds controlled and zombie-fied him, and the therapy was only as good as his honesty with his issues was.  Dylan knew he was depressed but wasn’t fully admitting to himself that he needed to reach out for help.  He avoided ticking off any of the obvious check box problems (Depression, Suicide, Homicide) on his Diversion questionnaire unlike Eric who volunteered that he was having these types of problems.  Dylan seemed to think he could manage his depression himself and concealed his suffering from friends and family (though Zack likely knew the most). The fact that he submerged his issues and didn’t confide in anyone in a way that would allow him to get help, made his mental illness equally problematic as Eric’s because his issues were stewing and building up within him. Eric externalized the frustration more than Dylan; he punched walls and vented on his website and got the frustrations out of himself but it was all just cycling and rebuilding in intensity. Dylan was just holding it all in and there was no where for it to be processed productively.  Both were floundering in their mental illness and with no way to see a light at the end of the tunnel, the possibility that life could be better, 4/20 became the solution, the answer to their release and freedom from the pain.  The two were both powder kegs, one about to explode and the other implode. Ironically, on 4/20, Dylan exploded by externalizing and expressing himself the most vocally whereas Eric quietly imploded and turned the rage on himself by quickly committing suicide first.

what do you think of Dylan thinking he looked fat with his trench coat on with his gear underneath? I think it’s so strange that he would think that. I mean that should’ve been the thing he was least worried about, right?

I think that when Dyl looked at himself for the first time with all his gear on and sees fat, mutters out loud ‘I look fat’, it’s residual feelings about his past traumas as a kid in elementary school. He was that shy, blushing little boy that had a wee bit of baby fat and was considered maybe slightly on the ‘pudgy side’ and so was teased for it by peers for that too. It’s those fears and sensitive inadequacies within himself being called up when he’s looking down at himself in that moment. The kick ass duster is bulging out a bit from the bulkiness and it’s just not right to him, the way it should have been looking to him, improving himself as the anti-hero. There’s a resigned physical disappointment about himself from his past as a kid up until the present with him being physically made fun of with nasty little nicknames like ‘stretch’ and ‘jolly green giant’ by classmates in gym class at Columbine.  In that moment when he’s looking at himself he only focuses on what he thinks looks wrong and it’s not that sleek, cool and dangerous man in black in his essay. Reality bites for Dylan Klebold. 😦

depressioners:

ooak / own

( this is an extremely special, personal, tragic item and I feel strange sharing but it’s really too beautiful to not share. )

Thanks for sharing your triple-cross heart. Quite beautiful and unique! I completely get your sentiment about such a spiritually personal token. Glad you took the risk to share it with all of us. 🙂 

Was Dylan alcoholic?

Zack Heckler stated Kleboid had a problem with alcohol, and as a result had been given the nickname, “Vodka”.

Dyl was a budding alcoholic in the making. It would’ve made him more relaxed, to feel less anxious in social situations but also would’ve numbed his pain or even allowed his feelings to flow while in private. The lure was strong, to prefer life while sipping from his flask or sneaking a bottle in a paper bag while ditching class with a couple of friends or indulging freely at parties, getting wasted, because that’s the acceptable, expected past time at those scenes. Any excuse to escape reality. VoDkA.  I’d say he personally coveted the nick given him. It was cooler than himself, conjuring up all sorts of wild, brazen images. Both party animal and bad ass.

Didn’t Eric say “Fine I’ll start shooting”? That’s from that 911 transcript and different people say it’s fake. Is it real or no?

Different sources say different things. Some have said Eric and some, Dylan, as in this 911 extended transcript  while other sources like this Jeffco ‘Finding of Library of Events , simply mentions  ‘a witness heard one of the gunmen say’  This seems to be because it isn’t perfectly clear as to who said what. The 911 transcripts vary too.  The one I mention above that lists Dylan as saying it doesn’t even have the first interaction they make with hiding students upon entering the library where you can clearly hear the two say on the very indistinct audio clips  Eric: “Get up!” Dylan: “Eeeeverybody get up NOW!” 
Many of the students in the library didn’t really know specifically which dude said what in the library let alone when they’d first entered into the library. The 911 audio tape that’s on youtube is tbh, a really horrible quality and I wonder how much of a clearer version Jeffco actually has/had in it’s possession. I tend to think not all that better. Also, their 911 transcripts are really incomplete and sketchy. 

As I said, many of the students were confused as to which gunmen said what. Only that they appeared in the doorway through a cloud of smoke – probably from Eric’s shotgun and the pipe bombs and crickets tossed just outside the library door. The fire alarm goes off soon after because of the smoke billowing in the air..

image

The reason I tend to believe that Dylan is the one who’d said it is in relation to the testimony Bree Pasquale gives in conjunction with Evan Todd who was the very first person to be shot but only injured.  Todd mentions that Eric is the first to fire into the library (from just outside the door) at Todd who is hiding behind a pillar at the front desk.  Eric doesn’t speak just notices Todd; the two make eye contact and Eric racks his round and fires two from his shotgun at Todd who ducks and the damage hits the pillar and slightly injures Todd. According to Bree, Dylan enters into the library slightly ahead of Eric and this is when both begin to yell to everyone to ‘get up now!’ at which point Dylan would then logically say in response to nobody cooperating and doing as they commanded “fine, I’ll start shooting” and would then be walking towards Kyle, who was supposedly very visible not hiding too well if at all, and aiming his shotgun at him. So , Eric shoots first and injures the first person from outside the library and Dylan shoots first within the library and kills the first library victim, Kyle Valesquez. It would make sense that Dylan said ‘fine, I’ll start shooting’ once they’d entered and no one did as they demanded and got up. Unfortunately, there is just no crystal clear way to verify and determine exactly everything each boy said in the library because the evidence released is sketchy.

trenchcoatqueen:

all the columbine documentaries/movies show dylan doing his whole hitmen for hire rant where he’s really aggressive but they never show how he just lights up and smiles and laughs when he does it probably because he messed up/didn’t know the lines 100%. that always makes me sad.

There’s a reason for that, of course..

Do you know this girl on tumblr who said she talked to marla on myspace (2006)? Do you think it’s true?

No I don’t know the girl who allegedly spoke to Marla on Myspace.  It’s possible?  I would take it with a grain of salt. 

Marla supposedly said this quote six years ago. Unfortunately there is no source to confirm this.

“I believe there is good in everyone. Jesus preached how easy it is to love our friends and family, but what about those who have declared themselves our enemies or those who do the world wrong? Only the strong can love the “unlovable””. —Marla Foust  (2009)

I disagree. I think he killed less because he had weapons 10x worse than Eric’s, i know a lot about guns. The Tec 9 is one of the worst handguns in history. It jams repeatedly. His Stevens shotgun was even worse. 2 terrible weapons. Thats why he killed less.

While I agree with you that Dylan’s weapons of choice were a bit shitter than Eric’s (I don’t know about ‘10 x worse’ as you suggest), I don’t feel it is the only viable reason for his lagging kill count.  It seems a combination of Dylan being more interested in wrecking havoc, terrorizing and raising hell as well as him discovering rather quickly that his selected weapons didn’t perform as efficient or ‘cool’ as he had fantazied about in his head.  For example, outside, Dylan’s non factory 50 magazine for his 9 mm Tec supposedly jammed and was dropped on the grass still full of bullets but he still had other clips, two 36s and a 24. I think there was even a magazine found in his BMW that I recall. If he was eager to kill, he still had time to jump right in, reload his Tec 9 to get in some more warm-up target practice but for whatever reason, he didn’t do so. Instead, Dylan chose to mix it up by messing around with the arsenal at his disposal: he chose to wander off near the parking lot and lob pipe bombs. According to record, he tried a mere 2 rounds of his double barrel shotgun – and likely realized it was a horrible distance shot on running human targets. He spent a lot of time going up and down the stairs near the commons and was the most scene by witnesses through the windows. He was the show off presence that shot Lance in the jaw within an audience left to gasp in horror at the windows. It was reported that Dylan even walked in the commons as people were fleeing in a panic up the cafeteria staircase and yet, he refrained from shooting or throwing any of the incendiaries at his disposal.  In the hallway, he got in 31 rounds of Tec 9 mm target practice and 4 shotgun rounds but he spent a fair amount of time taking it all with the journey and not the destination: enjoying the site and sounds of destructive impact on Columbine’s interior, running down the hallway chasing screaming students and shooting at the walls and the lockers along the way. He happened to maim a couple of students including aiming, for whatever reason, super low and succeeding a blast on Stephanie Munson’s ankle. Ok, yeah, they’re moving targets and somewhat long distance but an ankle just seems silly.  And again, Dylan didn’t wander into the bathroom to hunt down the girl who ran from the payphone. Maybe he hit his limit in murdering etiquette that a gentleman hitman does not hunt down a girl in the girls restroom?  lol 😏 

Inside the library there was a lot of opportunity for close range kills especially with the shotguns.  Dylan succeeded using his shot gun straight off the bat and wounded Kyle Valesquez’s head and shoulder with deadly accuracy, killing him instantly.  He started off boldly in the library, as if he were electing to set the tone there by volunteering a  “fine, I’ll start shooting!”   Thereafter, Eric spent 21 shotgun rounds and the library yet Dylan only a total of 6.  Dylan 21 9 mm rounds and Eric 13 with his carbine.  I’m not really certain if Dylan’s Tec jammed there, I don’t think so?  At any rate, at such close range, you’d think he’d have had better chance at success.  Did he perhaps spend a fair amount of time shooting glass display cases or blasting holes in computers and tv sets to supersede Eric’s 9 mm count by 8 ?   For some reason, Lauren was the only one Dylan went hog wild on drilling Tech bullets into.  Yet, all in total in the library, at close range with sitting ducks under tables or half tables, Eric manages to surpass Dylan at the kill count. Most of Dylan’s kills are in tandem with Eric on a person, even.  In the library, Dylan was said to be the more vocal one, whooping it up, hollering and having the time of his life and Eric more quiet and methodical.  He spares Valeen after taunting her. He inflicts his verbal wrath on Evan Todd, yet let’s him live and gives him to Eric even, with a ‘you can have him..if you want.’   All in all, to me, it seems that it wasn’t just that Dylan’s weapons sucked but that he was simply less motivated to murder with deadly intent and accuracy and more interested in terrorizing and enjoying the power trip.  Here’s a total shots diagram for anyone interested.

Lol at people not understanding that Dylan was just as disturbing, mentally ill and more scarier than Eric was.

A lot of people fail to understand that the boys were both equally disturbed and mentally ill and ‘scary’ – each in their own way. This is really not about competition, to prove who was ‘the scariest’ or more disturbed and evil than the other. Both boys taunted students and commited acts of murder but it’s how they approached the atrocity with some distinct difference, operating sometimes even independently of the other. Eric shot a girl point blank in the face and Dylan said ‘here, I’ll help you’ and shot a dude in the jaw. They shot at people with weapons and maimed or killed them, end of story. Both were malevolent, cruel and merciless. There really isn’t much more nuance to it than that. If you believe one to be ‘more scary’ than the other that is your perception of the situation. While you’re entitled to your opinion, at the end of the day, it isn’t a fact just a personal perception. Some may agree while others may not but that doesn’t mean those who don’t agree with your stance understand any less. lol